silver sequin dress

As I sit down to write this post on the last day of the year, reflecting on 2018 as a whole, my eyes have already filled with tears. #Drama.  I know that might sound absurd, but this year really has taken me on an unexpectedly wild ride.  An unwelcome surprise, if I can be honest.

I must first post a disclaimer that I know to be appreciative and grateful for my life. I am healthy, our families are healthy and after living in a city with so much visible poverty, hardships and need, I know in my heart of hearts that I have been blessed.  After losing my four year-old niece two years ago, I appreciate our health on an entirely different level.

That being said, we are all entitled to our individual struggles, and in the past (in my “personal” posts when I really break it down like here and here) I’ve been so uplifted by sharing some of the more difficult times with you guys. So if we are going to reflect on the year… we’re going to keep it real real, if you feel me.

sequined dresssan francisco rooftopsan francisco sunsetnew years eve dresscity reflection in champagne glassnude christian louboutin pigallesilver sequined dresspersonalized clutch

photos by Christian Barnes

dress (runs TTS), also love this one and this one (on sale) | heels, also available here | clutch | earrings – from our rehearsal dinner, similar styles here and here, love these and these | lipstick in Jilted

2018 started with a lot of excitement. Filling our weekends with our “last visits here” and “last beach cruiser ride here,” as we prepared to leave the city we loved so much for five years.  We packed up for what we thought would be an exciting and adventure-filled “extended vacation” in a new city, but we were mostly met with lots of expenses and countless headaches and heartaches for this, that or the other.

The past six months of this year have honestly left me feeling disappointed, misled, confused and in an overall funk.  I’ve never been so consistently blue in my entire life, therefore I didn’t even know where to begin putting the puzzle pieces back together.

I’ve always been the kind of person who identifies the problem and works to solve it. The end. Because of this, I’m never blue for very long and voila!

However this time, my problem-and-solution game wasn’t so simple.  After about four months of challenging myself to eat well, get outside often, getting back into exercise and stretching, meet up with friends and go to events to create some community, using my gratitude journal, listening to uplifting podcasts… I still felt no measurable improvement or growth in my attitude toward my day-to-day life or work.

As a type-A, plan-my-life-out (to a fault – there’s almost nothing spontaneous about me and it’s always something I have to consciously remind myself to do),  most often I’m the person setting goals and working hard to achieve them.  Then I celebrate. Meeting goals is what invigorates me.  Yay – life is good!  This was the first time in my life where I felt like I was at a stand-still.  I’ve felt uninspired and just overall unmotivated. Which is the most unfamiliar feeling for me.

And while I perhaps learned more about myself this year – my boundaries and mental/emotional health – I can’t say that we’ve learned that “next time we should do x, y and z.”  Most of our frustrations couldn’t necessarily have been prevented, and therefore it feels like less of a learning process and more of a struggle process.

As for work, tons of new questions arose.  Do people even like reading blogs anymore? Is my vision and passion translating to these girls who take time out of their day to follow and engage with CBL? Is this valuable? Am I using this platform to make a positive impact? Are CBL girls enjoying the long form content I love so much or would they rather see a quick iPhone selfie to see if this shirt is on sale?  Am I actually scoring my own worth on numbers and likes? Is an app really dictating my decisions and is that even healthy?

So I found a therapist. And I’m still seeing her.  And it’s helping, little by little.  It’s helping me understand how to look at things differently… rationally.  Do I still have days where I’ve cried twice before 10AM? Sometimes. Have I started to subconsciously resent Christian’s career for also dictating my life and personal desires?  Do I ever feel slighted that every big life decision we make revolves around his career path?  Obviously… that would be yes, and I’m working on that.  Do I still get sucked into a funk/blue season when I know I really have so much to be thankful for? I’m embarrassed to say… sometimes, yeah, I do.

I’m self-aware enough to know that time heals most everything, and this rocky year of new challenges and frustrations will soon be a memory rarely revisited.  Life will continue to move and change, and there will always be bumps.

We can’t control the hard times, only the way we react to them.

Being aware of these things certainly helps… but as we all know, it isn’t always as easy as reciting a logical quote to yourself every time you want to punch something.  If we’re being honest here, I was given this doll many years ago and never used it. I’ve actually busted a hole in it I’ve used it so frequently the past six months. Yikes… come to think of it, maybe I need a boxing class!

With all that being said, December was filled with travel and has actually managed to be my happiest month yet since rattling my comfortable and convenient life in June.  And I am hopeful, gratitude journal by my side, yoga mat rolled out and my next therapy session scheduled in the fresh pages of my 2019 calendar, that this new year will be a season of change and new beginnings.  Here’s to hoping for more months like the first six and less like the last six, you feel me?  I’m happy to say TOODLES 2018!

carrie bradshaw moment

So let’s get into 2019 goals –

1. Prioritize relaxing. Just because.

2. Move into a house. Not an apartment – a house. With a yard!

3. Stop cracking my knuckles.

4. Practice meditation.

5. Drink less coffee and more tea.

6. Prioritize my happiness before my view of success.

7. Cry less (I usually can count how many times I cried all year… but since July it’s been like 76473487476… and I’m not into it).

8. Eat less dairy.

9. Fully enjoy our dual-income-no-kids (ever heard of “dink?”) life while we have it.

10. Continue to share more real life – both highs and lows – and less picture perfect life.

And of course, I can’t wrap up the year without thanking each and every one of you for being along on this journey.  I’m always hesitant to share anything that isn’t 90% positive, yet it’s where we always have the best conversations.  Which is why I’m keeping it raw and honest today… even if it’s not roses.  In 2017, a year of bliss (!!), there were hardly any personal posts yet 2018 has kept them coming. Thank you for being a part of this rollercoaster!

Some quotes I love for anyone else who might be having some of these same feelings about 2018:

“I am thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled upon my strength.”        Alex Elle

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” Dolly Parton

“If there is no struggle there is no progress.” Frederick Douglass

“Every flower must grow through dirt.” Laurie Jean Sennott

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” Lao Tzu

Your support, wisdom, advice and encouragement never goes unnoticed. I am so grateful that you would take time out of your busy life and schedule to connect with me and allow me into your day. It’s the greatest gift that I promise I don’t take for granted. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.

Love you, mean it – XO –

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247 thoughts on “Reflecting on 2018

  1. How wonderful to hear someone being totally honest with themselves as well as others. I am praying 2019 will be a happy, healthy year for all

  2. As always I loved reading this!! Thanks for sharing ♡♡ Hope 2019 is an amazing year for you and your family! Xx

  3. My favorite posts of yours are when you are so raw and honest. As a fellow wife of a doctor still in training, I can so relate to some of the struggles you’ve opened up about over the past year. Life is so hard to plan when it’s broken into 2-3 year chunks based on residency and fellowship training. It’s been so helpful to me to see that someone like you, who I perceive as so joyful and upbeat, could have the same struggles as me. It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s been quite encouraging for me to relate to your posts and see that I’m not the only one (and we will get through this!). Positive vibes are always good, but sometimes we just need someone to relate to!

    You’re the only blogger who’s long form content I never skip when it lands in my inbox. You’re a great writer and your quick wit and honest writing is one of the things I think will always keep your readers coming back for more.

    Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that these photos are GORGEOUS!

    Thanks for the content and keeping it real!

    -Erika

    1. Thank you so much for this feedback, Erika. I love hearing that CBL has been encouraging for you through this process – I know it’s not easy! I really really appreciate your kind words. So much. Thank you for taking the time to share and know that the LIGHT at the end of the tunnel is there.

      It’s there! You got this, girl! xo

  4. Kathleen – thank you for your candor and ongoing inspiration! I too have had a tough 2018, having started the divorce process (ugh) which is a lonely road of update and downs. I enjoy your posts because I find you so relatable – please keep blogging, Instagramming and inspiring (and making me laugh) And hang in there 2019 is here and it’s going to be waaaay better than 2018.

    1. Susan I’m so sorry 2018 has been a doozy. Thank you so much for this feedback and I hope 2019 brings YOU blessings upon blessings. Big hugs to you – and thank you for your encouragement! xo

  5. Thank you so much for your transparency and willingness to let others see that life isn’t always as beautiful as a well staged photograph. It’s not only encouraging but also inspirational to so many of us who are living real lives and experiencing real ups and downs. Kudos to you for pressing on and looking forward to better things- for they will come, eventually. This is just a season and all seasons end – so chin up sweet girl. Please know that yours are the only posts/Insta stories that I will actually stop what I’m doing to read because your content always makes me laugh or smile, and I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels that way. As someone who has also struggled with disappointment and finding purpose this year, I want to suggest a possible book for you to read called “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way” by Lysa Terkeurst. I’ve heard lots of amazing things about it and plan on reading it myself, as soon as I get the courage- because, let’s be honest, facing our disappointments and pain takes hutzpah. Thank you again… what you do does matter- and here’s to a blessed 2019 for us all!

    1. Hi Jill – thank you so much for sharing this. And I so appreciate your book rec! I think I need to get Audible and I’m going to add this to my list. Big hugs – and I freaking love the word hutzpah. xo

  6. Thank you. Thank you for your courage and candor. Life often seems like a contest of who’s having their best life and as humans, we can and do feel both blessings and disappointments at the same time. Life was way easier for me when I was blissfully successful in my approach to things but when a loss stripped that bare, I felt raw to the world. And it forever changed me to grow and become a more aware and interesting person. So your last quote particularly resonates! Please know you and your long form posts and topics are appreciated. I imagine this is an incredibly time consuming endeavor, more than us readers would imagine! So Thank You! As you asked some rhetorical questions-I do click thru some posts to see where to get that blouse, but I take the time to read and enjoy your posts because of the connections and way you share that feels like a friend. I think it makes you incredibly unique to naturally create that 1:1 reader intimacy in a medium of scale. When I shop your posts, it’s partly the delight of discovering a new designer but more, the encouragement to try different styles…and be bold…and that’s a great inspiration for life in general. Best wishes for 2019 and I look forward to the journey!

    1. WOW, Greti. THANK YOU for these incredibly kind words and this feedback. Honestly you have no idea how much it means to me. I read this beautifully written note from you twice – I can’t thank you enough for the encouragement. Big hugs!

  7. I’m also ready to say goodbye to 2018. We all have our struggles, but that’s the core of what I’ve come to appreciate more this past year. Especially when it comes to public figures, bloggers, etc. – those who keep it REAL and HONEST. I’ve stopped following some people because it was always about a sale, clothes, etc. I wanted some real life and I wasn’t finding that in those people.

    On the outside, our lives can look perfect. I can certainly say the same, but if you looked inside, you would know there was some hurt there. So I hope this year is better for us both and we can find some happiness.

  8. Thank you for sharing – I appreciate your honesty and think it makes for a much more interesting, inspiring and relatable blog. I think we should say goodbye to 2018, the year of picture-perfect selfies, and welcome in 2019 as the year of truth and sharing real-life experiences that bring people closer. Best of luck in this new year.

  9. Just wanted to say that I am so grateful for YOU! I’m in a similar situation with a doctor husband/residency/blah blah and girl – when I read your note about feelings of resentment I said YES! Factual! I don’t have other people in my life in the medicine world so you talking about it feels like I’m chatting with a girlfriend. Like a big sister- you’ve unknowingly given so much insight about this process in the most honest way because it ain’t all dandy! Your SF rawness has made me feel more connected to you as a reader than ever. Silver lining, maybe? There are years that ask questions and years that answer them and 2018 was filled with so many damn questions that we’ve got to get some answers soon, right???

    1. Oh my gosh I love you so much for this. “There are years that ask questions and years that answer them.” WOW – that literally brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for these kind words and motivation, Kaitlin. It can be a rocky road for these long years of demanding education… for everyone involved. There is a light. THERE IS A LIGHT! And we are getting there, one day at a time. Big hugs and thank you so much!

    2. Kaitlin! I love hearing this!!! I always want CBL to be a place that is uplifting, and therefore I am sometimes hesitant to share anything that isn’t positive, but this year I’ve really learned that sharing the struggles IS uplifting. Because it shows each of us that we are all dealing with $hit. And sometimes we can handle it with grace and other times it’s a lot harder. And that’s OK. This too shall pass. Appreciate you and THANK YOU! XO

  10. You are an inspiration for Dr wives everywhere going through the same journey. Like I’ve said before, most people focus on the stress and change that the medical journey puts on the person going through it, but doesn’t take into account the wives, husbands and families that are uprooted and have their lives turned upside down along with their doctor spouse. It’s refreshing to see a blogger such as yourself being real and really vocalizing the things that many of us in the medical spouse community are thinking and feeling as well, and that we’re not alone. So bring it 2019, May it be your best year yet – and for the both of us – end of fellowship and finding the big boy job and finally settling somewhere after being a nomad for 10+ years! This is our year! And keep up the honesty in your posts – it’s relieving to know y’all are just like us and not sunshine and rainbows 24/7

    1. CASSIE! This IS our year – and congratulations for being at the end of your journey as well. Thank you so much for sharing this honesty and feedback. It’s so great to hear and really dictates the content I want to create this year. Big hugs xo

  11. We love you for keeping it real – that’s life! Thank you for not just showing the pretty stuff, but also, the real stuff. When I get into my funks it’s so difficult to set goals and stick to them. Just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t give up. I’m hopeful 2019 is your year!

  12. Thank you for being REAL! This is why I love the community you have created! Life isn’t always picture perfect. And that’s okay! But pretending that it is, isn’t. Cheers to 2019 and ditching the dog park and cat stroller (even though I fully appreciate it for Lola)!!

  13. Here’s why I appreciate you. When I started following you, I was like wow, she is so outgoing and “has it all” and perfect. But, posts like this are why I consistently keep following! Your honesty, realness and down-to-earth personality are a reminder that perfection doesn’t exist in a way social media can lead us to believe. Thank you for being you and for showing us you can be fabulous even in the struggle. I hope 2019 is amazing for you!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this feedback, Courtney. I love hearing that the honest, real talk is really what you guys are here for and it’s so motivational for the beginning of the year – to shape the content for 2019! Big hugs – and I hope the year is just as fabulous for you! xo –

  14. Hi Kat! I’ve been reading for a while and following along on Instagram (I actually became a fan way back in your pageant days because I”m a former pageant girl myself – dating both of us here haha!) ANYHOO I have never commented but I just felt super compelled and drawn to this post and my heart feels everything you’ve gone through this year, just in my own ways. My therapist told me at the beginning of 2018 that the number 8 symbolizes rebirth, which often means growing pains and lots of change. And this year has put us both through it! I love your honesty and candor and tenacity to stay positive through it all. Even when it’s not a good day, there’s still some good in each day. Never apologize for how you feel – you are allowed to fully experience life’s emotions and that includes the “ugly” ones too. We are all just doing the best we can. Thanks for always keeping it real and keeping it real funny. Here’s hoping 2019 is full of more happiness than 2018 and more time spent at peace with your heart. So much love xx-Jennie

    1. Hi Jennie – ok you’re an OG and I appreciate you! I love that note about 8, so fascinating! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. May 2019 be refreshing for both of us! Big hugs xo

  15. This post is perfect. 2018 rocked me to my core (2017 did too but in a very different way) So glad to see this real post and full blown honesty. This city (yep SF girl here too!) has a way of making you feel like your struggles aren’t real enough, but they are! Thank you for the reflection, the honesty and the beauty in showing the cracks!

    You’re amazing and here’s to a phenomenal 2019!

  16. Just because you have “blessings” in life doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to struggle! Sending good vibes to you for 2019!

  17. Girl, live your truth. Sometimes things are good and sometimes they suck. Don’t let anyone discredit how you’re feeling because you have things to be thankful for. We all have things to be thankful for, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to have moments where we feel the bad stuff. I can’t tell you how many times over the last year I’ve felt resentment for not being able to be the reason we move somewhere, or confusion about what my career should look like in an ever-changing digital media landscape, and down…just because. Sometimes it takes feeling all the bad stuff, the stuff you don’t want to feel, to move forward. You get to acknowledge it all for what it is and be with it. Then you find a way forward. You’re doing great and I truly appreciate how hard you work to provide real, relevant, and unique content. Happy new year, lady.

    1. Rivers! Thank you so much for this note. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I so appreciate your wisdom and support, truly. Happy new year to YOU and may it be a friggin great one. Big hugs! xo

  18. You have always been my favorite blogger because of your fabulous style, your wit, and your realness! I love how honest some of your recent posts have been. We all have highs and lows, so thank you for sharing both with us. Here’s to a 2019 filled with love, happiness, travel, dancing, and more cat strollers!

  19. Kathleen: I so enjoy your feed. Whether you’re talking/cuddling with the pets, being silly with your hubs (actuallly some of my favorites!) or all decked out, wearing heels while climbing SF hills, I’m here for it. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!! None of us have this roller coaster called life figured out. Have a great new year!!! XO

  20. Kathleen, thank you for sharing your struggles! For the record, you were one of the inspirations for starting my own blog. I think you are absolutely fabulous with a killer sense of humour! I look forward to seeing all of your new content in 2019! Your blog is so very relevant xx
    Shannon
    http://www.suburbanstylefiles.com

  21. Hi Kathleen — Wow, what an open, honest and inspirational reflection. I feel like I could’ve expressed many of the same sentiments if I were a braver person. I’ve enjoyed your posts since discovering you late last year, though I’ll admit that they often leave me a little envious! (Those outfits! Those trips! That business model!) I’ve talked about revamping my own food blog for over a year (with you as an inspiration), but haven’t been able to get my act together. I question everything. Do I want to keep writing recipes, or is it time for something new? Does anyone really care? etc etc. Why didn’t I fully maximize my DINK years, and dress “Extra” when I had the chance?? (Too busy climbing the corporate ladder, blah blah.) Why didn’t I enjoy my kids’ childhood more? Even though I gave up my career and stayed home with them, I feel I could’ve been more present. Now that they’re teenagers (blink), I look back at old photos and cry. And why didn’t I visit my parents more regularly?? (A few times a year, but hard crossing the country with kids, blah blah.) Losing my dad suddenly this year really turned my life upside down. I think I’ll look into therapy as well, and this comment is no doubt the first step. So back to your questions (sorry for the detour): PLEASE continue blogging! You are very talented, and it makes you unique in the insta-world. I look forward to what you will share with us in 2019.

    1. Sue! Thank you so much for sharing – and please tell me your food blog so I can check it out (I love food blogs)! I think so many of us look at our decisions and question everything, but I think you would really take something away from therapy if you’re open to it. Every session I have, I have an ah-ha moment that I know I’ll carry with me forever, helping me better handle challenges and obstacles in my future, as they’ll always be there. I really appreciate you being so candid and voicing the questions SO many of us ask ourselves. And I’m so sorry for your loss, I know that is incredibly tough. Here’s to hoping 2019 brings you many blessings – big hugs! xo –

  22. Love, love, love everything about this post!! I wish more bloggers posted about the everyday reality (don’t get me wrong I love fashion like the next girl, but sometimes it a wonderful breath of fresh air to learn more about everyday life vs the next big sale!). Also your Instagram stories are truly my favorite, I don’t even watch the Real Housewives but I feel like I should pick it up just to know what CBL is talking about ha! Maybe that will be my resolution…more reality tv?!?

    So thank you for showing your followers (online besties haha) that life isn’t just the pretty filter on Instagram.

    Xo

    1. Sophie you’re hilarious! Thank you so much for this sweetness. And I mean… I love some Housewives – they bring a lot of laughter into my life but it can be a time suck for sure, ha! I really appreciate this feedback. It’s so helpful to me! Big hugs to you gf!

  23. Such an honest post. I’m so sorry this last 6 months has been so hard. It’s reassuring to know that all of us go through hard times. You are my favorite blogger to follow. Not only are you gorgeous and stylish but you can tell from your posts and INstastories that you are a genuinely nice person. That is why so many people follow you. You have a unique style that isn’t contrived but comes to you naturally that isn’t a carbon copy of all the rest. You are kind and and sincere and really funny. I love your posts with your cute little family too. Thank you again for being so open with your life and showing that real life isn’t always a pretty picture. It sounds stupid but I feel like You are one of my girlfriends. I’m praying for you that this season will pass and 2019 will be so much better.

  24. Love how honest you were with this post! Life ISNT always rises and instagram can definitely be a highlight reel with no one really knowing what’s going on behind the scenes. I too have had some personal struggles in the past months and had a hard time putting on a brave/positive face when not in the comfort of my own home. I do my best, like you to be positive and look at everything that i am blessed with. However, sometimes emotions get the best of you and it’s hard to be pulled out of the funk.
    I also think it’s SO GREAT that you have recently talked about your therapist and that you are seeing one! There can be such a stigma sometimes with therapy and mental health and there really shouldn’t be! I honestly feel like everyone needs to see one. My husband recently graduated with his masters in marriage and family therapy, so Obviously, I’m about it.
    Excited to follow along on this new, and what is sure to exciting year of yours! Great things are ahead for you, Barnes and the bears, and I’m here for it! Do you girl and make it the best yet!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, Jen! YES, I’ve always been open to therapy but it’s been SO useful during this year and I’m so grateful that insurance will cover it. I totally agree that I think it’s so amazing when people open up about their mental health and it’s a message that shouldn’t be shameful in any way. A huge thank you to your husband for pursuing a field where he can help so many people! Thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words – even to the bears! Big hugs – XO –

  25. I feel this on a cellular level, I was laid off from a job I really loved and felt purpose at and had to take a job I didn’t feel passionately about because it’s a paycheck, I know deep down it won’t last forever but it feels beyond hopeless.
    I have been following you for several years and even mention you to people in conversation as a hilariously honest and glowing person they should follow on IG (truth be told- I had a relative who was in college at the time ask me if there was a blog that she could do a paper on and YOU were the first person I thought of.)
    I’m 39 about to be 40 in 2 weeks and I’m terrified at the implication that at 40 I haven’t reached my goals but I know so very honestly that this is just the beginning of a new party of my life and it will bring all the things I make an effort toward.
    I wish you the most beautiful 2019 with all the lovely hope and sweetness you can imagine. Thank you for sharing your journey with me, XO

    1. Ugh, Leslie. I wish I could reach through this screen and hug your neck! I’m so sorry 2018 has been shitty. It sounds like it’s been real shitty. You know what I think? I think 40 is the new 30 and you are going to have blessings upon blessings this year! May a new decade of LIFE bring you new opportunities, new happiness and peace. I’m rooting for you! Big hugs sister – XO –

  26. Kathleen, you are incredible! Your authenticity is so refreshing and I’m grateful for you sharing so much of your life with us. It helps to know we aren’t alone, and you are not – neither are we that have similar feelings and are in similar life spots as you. Your IG and this blog bring joy to my days and your attitude has inspired me so much this year! I just wanted to say thank you and let you know I’m sending you love and best hopes for an amazing 2019!

    1. Shauna thank you so much for taking the time to share this positivity and sweetness! It really does bring so much encouragement to me and I so appreciate it. Big hugs to you! XO

  27. Hi Kathleen,

    I understand and share so many of your struggles. I married almost 40 years ago and have moved multiple times for my husbands career. We moved our kids twice during high school. Trust me they are still angry about that decision. My husband has a disease that was not diagnosed until 22 years ago and that has really impacted us too. I had no idea how resentful I was/am until this year and also am seeing a therapist to figure so much about ME out. I am sorry you are struggling. I hope you continue to write as I love your sense of humor, your style, your inspiration, your take on the housewives, your being REAL with us all. You are so brave. I send you all my support and hope it helps knowing you are not alone in this world. It is a WILD ride to say the least. Wishing you a house with a yard and laundry that will make things so much better, and anything else that will make your life happy. You deserve it. Happy New Year!

    XOXO,
    Kimberly

    1. Kimberly, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It sounds like you’ve been through it and I’m so sorry that it has brought some heartache along the way. Being an adult can be hard – and everyone is just out here doing our best. Good for you for going to therapy for yourself, to seek the help of someone else to navigate all of the messy thoughts that take over our minds! I’ve found it to bring me a lot of peace and I hope it will for you too. Big hugs and may 2019 be a year of blessings – XO –

  28. Girl yes! I love that this post is so real and honest. We are 100% human and allowed to feel our struggles, even if our struggles look different from others. You’re a constant source of inspiration and laughter to me! Although in this post you open up about your feelings on Christian’s career, you always are super positive on stories and in your posts about Christian’s schedule and it has inspired me to be more positive. My life has been completely dictated and revolves around my husband’s career and I can be super negative about it and get all “girl power and what about me”, but you inspire me to make a sarcastic joke and drink a glass of wine and get over it.

    Thank you for always sharing! XO

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, Salem. I always am so amazed at how many of this are in this same position and i don’t think anyone really understands its difficulties until you’ve experienced it. It means so much to me that CBL has brought you some comfort during these stressful years and I so appreciate you taking the time to comment! Also, come over and I’ll pour you a glass of wine girl. 🙂 Big hugs!

  29. Thank you for sharing your real and honest reflections. 2018 was a doozy for me, with a lot of unexpected and profound grief and sadness and I think we do ourselves a disservice by glazing over that and forcing ourselves to always be happy and positive. Looking back on the year, I know that this will be a year of growth for me and I can absolutely look at the good things it has already brought, but it was still HARD! So thank you for being someone to follow that keeps it real and hilarious. You are someone who’s stories I never want to miss and as I’ve worked to unfollow a lot of “influencers” this year because they made me feel worse about myself, you have never been one of those people. Here’s to a more joy filled 2019 and remembering that He works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him.

    PS – shoutout to Columbus MS, that’s where my family is from too 🙂

    1. Columbus girl!!! Thank you so much for this sweetness, Jessie. I totally agree with you and hate that you too experienced a doozy of a year. I FULLY support filling your mind and subconscious with things that bring you UP, so girl… unfollow anything that makes you feel less than. Thank you so much for this encouragement and may 2019 be your year! xo

  30. Thanks for sharing. I hope you feel a release just from writing this! Cheers to 2019!!!

    P.S. d.i.n.k – Love this!

  31. Thank you for this raw and honest post. I have been so depressed this month. Christmas has never been my favorite time of year, then combined with my late fathers birthday and the anniversary of his passing quickly approaching… it’s just not my season.

    I’ve been going back and forth if therapy is needed. I hate admitting I am at that point, again, but your words reminded me how important self-care is and that seeking help doesn’t mean I have been defeated. Like you, I am a planner and problem solver. Here’s to handing a few over those problems over to a professional and getting back to feeling like myself in 2019!

    Thanks again! Cheers to a happy and healthy 2019.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss, Nicole. There are no words that can make it better but I hear you – and that is just plain tough. I’ve heard people say not to wait until things are bad to go to therapy, and I love that. I’ve contemplated it in the past, and I knew this year that it was time to try it. I can’t say enough positive things about it, especially if your insurance will cover it (mine ends up only being $35 a session!). Big hugs to you and may 2019 bring more light – xo –

  32. Love this and the raw truth of how hard it is to adjust to change. My fiancé and I just moved to Boston 9 months ago and it’s been a lot harder to adjust then we thought it would be. Cheers to working towards positivity in 2019

  33. Thanks for your raw honesty. I’m a Mississippi girl that is also the spouse that has gotten swept along in my husband’s career moves. 2017 was my struggle year- just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate your vulnerability- it’s not something we find a lot of on social media- so thanks for giving us real stuff but also putting a smile on my face with your insta stories! Hoping you have wonderful 2019!!

    1. Thank you so much for this honesty and feedback, Haley. Truly! I really appreciate hearing what you guys gravitate toward and it makes a huge difference in what I choose to create in 2019. Big hugs – and THANK YOU! xo –

  34. It is so so so refreshing and encouraging to have someone open up about their struggles and not only be vulnerable, but encourage others through it. Your hopeful outlook on what is to come is what makes all the difference, good things will come your way!! Prayers for you both for peace that transcends understanding and confidence in what the future holds. I love your 2019 goals, they are real and relatable and good for all of us, too (fellow DINK over here 😉 ). Thanks for keepin it real and opening up a space for others to do so, as well.

  35. It takes a lot of vulnerability to simply write the post and put your feelings and thoughts out there. Thanks for taking the time and wherewithal to do that. I hope that you’re able to achieve these 2019 goals and get back to feeling like yourself!

  36. You are one of my favorite people on the internet. I’ve followed a lot of bloggers for a long time, but this year I found myself comparing my life to what I see on Instagram and it made me unhappy. I unfollowed all the bloggers who make their life seem perfect on Instagram, but I continue to follow you because you always keep it real. Your style is so fun and innovative, and your personality is so honest. I watch your stories everyday and I love keeping up with you, your husband, and of course your pets. You don’t pretend to show your followers a fabulous lifestyle, you show us what’s honestly happening in your life at the moment and I really appreciate seeing you be so real when it can be so hard to do that over the internet. So many people struggle with mental health issues and it’s a breath of fresh air for me knowing that I’m not alone. I love your Instagram and your blog, and I am wishing you the best year!

    1. Regan! Thank you so much for sharing this. I think we’re finding this more and more on social media, and I think you made the right choice for yourself. I really appreciate you sharing this – because this kind of feedback is incredibly helpful in shaping the kind of content I create for you guys. I hear it loud and clear across the board – MORE real. And you got it sister, appreciate you and THANK YOU! Wishing you the best year as well – XO –

  37. Thanks for being so honest and posting this. I’ve followed your journey for years now and it is always so refreshing to read your blog and watch your stories for your honesty and humor. 2018 was a downer for so many of us. I feel like it was a year where most people I talked to just didn’t feel like themselves. Me included. Cheers to therapy and making the best of the cards we’ve been dealt. Onward and upward to 2019 and wishing all your goals come to fruition, with champagne along the way!

    1. Michele, thank you so much for your support over the years. Truly! You know, I’ve heard this same thing from so many people. Onward and upward indeed, and I hope that 2019 is full of blessings for you babe! xo –

  38. Just because you’re appreciative and grateful for the life you have does NOT mean you’re not allowed to struggle and feel sadness, anger, and resentment. Just because someone has it worse off than you does not make those feelings go away (wouldn’t it be wonderful if it did?!). I have a similar living situation to you (city living, loud neighbors, shared spaces, etc.) and to say that it’s maddening is a colossal understatement. It doesn’t always help but in my moments of deepest frustration, I take a deep breath and say out loud, “This is temporary.” Because it really is in the grand scheme of things (not nearly temporary enough, that’s for sure). Give yourself some grace; you’re doing the best you can and this is just a season. Cheers to a happier 2019!

    1. THANK YOU for this Alisha, and I couldn’t agree more! I think I’m going to have to start reciting that to myself when I have a breakdown. Appreciate YOUR realness sister. Big hugs to you and cheers to 2019 indeed! xo –

  39. I absolutely loved reading this post, for so many reasons. First, you are my favorite blogger because of how much you interact with your readers. I know I don’t speak only for myself when I say that I feel like I know you because you share the good and the bad with us. I also want to acknowledge how hard it is to complain without the fear of backlash that you should be so grateful for everything you have. Or the “so many people are going through such worse things than me mentality”, for me, this is the hardest to get over in my own life. Yes, we are blessed, there’s no question about that, but everyone has their own story and struggles which are completely valid. You can feel both ways, grateful, and all the other feelings that are on the other side. I really hope this new year brings you stability and peace.

    1. I love this. Thank you Sophia – I feel like we are on the exact same page here, sister! I always want to be clear that I realize that I recognize I am blessed…. let’s just get that critical eye out of the way and get down to it. I appreciate your support and grace – and cheers to 2019 for you as well! Big hugs – xo –

  40. Let me start by saying Thank you! I so look forward to reading your blog and your Instagram posts/stories! I have been a dedicated blog reader for many years now, back when you were still working in an office and Baily would go to work with you! I don’t think I have ever left a comment before though. I bet there are a ton of us who just read and love you but don’t normally comment. Your honesty is refreshing and appreciated. What you are experiencing is real life and it is a roller coaster ride with many ups and downs. You can’t control the ride, you can only control your reaction to it. Hang in there and know that we are all rooting for you and sending positive thoughts your way! You bring so much joy to so many people, so thank you again! Happy new year!

    1. Sil! Oh my WORD you’re an OG and I adore you! Thank you so much for the support over the years, it means so much to me. And I LOVE hearing from you, so thank you for taking the time to share. I so appreciate your encouragement and it really motivates me to continue creating and posting. So thank you so much. Cheers to your 2019, sister! xo –

  41. Kathleen, you are my favorite blogger because there is not one thing about you that makes me believe we wouldn’t be great friends IRL. That is why this post is so important, because you are just so relatable, it’s so refreshing to see your honesty and to hear about struggles that sound so much like my own. I,too, am such a planner and have always been perfect at problem solving (most of those problems never had anything to do with me). Recently, with a job change, moving in with my boyfriend and changing towns twice; I have found myself with some new found anxieties, mood changes, and personal issues. I know it’s all normal and probably good but it’s hard to see that in the moment so thank you for not always sugar coating (even thought I,too, am so so blessed!). Anyway, you’re the best and us ladies going through life changes will get through this! Love YOU, mean it.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this sweet feedback, Maddison. I love hearing from you guys and what resonates with you – it’s so important to what I continue to post and share, so THANK YOU for sharing this. Big hugs – and I so appreciate your encouragement! XO –

  42. Happy 2019! I’m not usually a commenter, but felt like it was an appropriate time to change that. Since we’re being real- I don’t fall into your target community and I dont even remember how I found your sassy, fun blog. But I think maybe now is a good time to tell you how much I enjoy your blog, your photos, and your sweet family. So thank you for the lovely clothes, bags, shoes and travel, but maybe more importantly thanks for giving the hard, sad, and frustrating times a voice too. xoxo

    1. Lissa! I LOVE hearing from you – thank you so much for sharing! I love knowing what you guys connect with and it really means a lot to me so thank you so much. Appreciate you!

  43. This is so courageous and you are not alone ! Also I love that you want your platform to be more than just selling the next look-you are so strong and funny ! Sending prayers your way

  44. Dear Kathleen,
    There’s so much in this post that I can identify with, but THANK YOU for being YOU. I know God has you in the palm of His hand and I will be praying this for you (and me!) in 2019:
    Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He won’t leave or abandon you until all the work for the service of the Lord’s house is finished. (1 Chron 28:20)
    You have work left to do here at CBL and I, for one, will be reading (not just scrolling) along!
    Much love.. xH

  45. I love all of your beauty and fashion posts but it’s posts like these that make you one of my favorite bloggers! About 2 years ago I made a huge move for my boyfriend and I have dealt with almost the exact same feelings as you described. You put it perfectly!! It has been a true personal struggle but it is so comforting to read through these posts and some of the comments and to know that we are not alone in those ups and downs. You’ve created a community that is so uplifting and I love to follow you and your journey. Thank you so much for always being honest and opening up to your followers! I wish you and Christian (and Bailey and Lula) nothing but the best in 2019 and all the years to follow! 🙂

    1. I love this! These comments are INSANE to read and see how many of us are having these exact same thoughts and feelings. It’s a relief, right!? To know you’re never alone. Someone else is experiencing the same stuff you are and you’re going to be ok and so will they. But simply talking through it and encouraging each other can mean everything. Thank you so much for this encouragement and sweet words. May 2019 bring the best for you as well! xo –

  46. You are not alone my girl! We are currently in Hawaii for 3 months on my husbands medical rotation and I am so extremely homesick in what is possibly considered the most beautiful place on earth. It’s hard, but taking it one day at a time is all we can do. Please keep writing and know there are girls, like me, who read everything you post! XO

    1. Isn’t it interesting how that can happen!? I hope that both of us will be able to slow down and enjoy these temporary living situations… it’s temporary. And I might have to repeat that to myself over and over every now and then. Big hugs! xo –

  47. Oh sister. Your year has been one for the books. The last chapter will be here before you know it and you can put the book on your life shelf, and start a new one… in a pretty house! Hugs! Xx

  48. I so needed to read this today!!!!!! Thank you for being so open and honest, but also giving me a good laugh everyday when I need it!!

  49. Thanks for keeping it real. You’re one of my favorite bloggers, you are definitely the funniest. Life is hard, sometimes more than others. You can’t have a rainbow without rain darling. You are not alone.
    Here’s to 2019 being a lot happier for you!

    Best regards from Mexico City!
    Loretta Baez

  50. Thanks for sharing. I pray it all works out for you. 2019 will be good to both of us because we will make sure it is
    (PAULARNP on IG)

  51. Kathleen- I really appreciate your openness and willingness to share the tough parts of life. As a follower of your blog and viewer of your Instagram- I can honestly say the “real real” stuff is what makes me love to follow! Social Media is such a blessing and a curse as it becomes so easy to become disalusioned to what life really is. 2018 was a really tough year for me personally as well. And it feels as though many of the people in my life don’t understand the struggle or the sadness because I have x, y or z. We often don’t show what’s going on underneath surface so I appreciate your courage in opening up on such a huge platform. Here’s to to us all and entering 2019 with a renewed vigor for life, some small but maneagable new goals, and an open heart and mind.

    Xoxo,
    Elizabeth

  52. I am so appreciative for you sharing this post. You are truly my favorite blogger/influencer and I love how authentic you are. However, as someone who struggles with sometimes crippling anxiety, I wasn’t sure I had that much in common with you. While I would never wish sadness or anxiety upon anyone, just knowing that you have been working to overcome similar things makes me love you even more. Here’s hoping 2019 is a great year!

  53. I never comment. I’m a lurker, but this post compelled me to let you know I’m reading and you aren’t alone. 2018 was craptastic for me and I guess my family as well. As much as I felt like I was working on my own personal and professional growth, I wasn’t doing anything to actively engage it. And most of our stressors were things we had zero control over; therefore, I don’t think our year could’ve been any different if we tried. Just felt like the universe was trying to teach me a lesson, because otherwise I could not figure out why we were dealing with so much at once.
    Anywho, thanks for inviting us to read through your personal struggles. As much as it hurts my heart to know someone else cries as much as I do, it is nice to know I’m not alone. I’ll definitely take your resolutions and quotes and put them in a safe place. And I probably should seek out someone to talk to as well.
    Cheers to a better year!

  54. Kathleen,
    You’re Amazing and an inspiration! You totally inspired me with the start of my own blog and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you! I hope 2019 is your best year ever! xo Kelly

  55. Thank you for sharing, Kathleen! I love your honesty and frankly, you’re the only lifestyle blogger I see that tells it like it is and I think we need that! I’m wishing the best for you in 2019 and I can’t wait to see what you do next!

  56. Sending lots of love, prayers and good vibes!! I used to work with this older woman, Cindy. Cindy said getting old isn’t for sissies. Lol and she also called my forgetfulness “sometimers” lol. #cindyisms But let this be the year to give yourself time to process the negative and balance yourself out by treating yourself. Make a Happy List and when you are in those funks make yourself do a happy list item, or have a friend hold you accountable when you aren’t. Life is hard and it doesn’t soften up, only your ass does so when you fall it hurts twice as bad. #cindyism lol

  57. Thank you for being real! I always enjoy all of your content and your realness is something that we don’t commonly find now! Here’s hoping 2019 is the year of your dreams!

  58. Thank you for sharing your real feelings with us! I honestly get so bored with the bloggers that only share the best sales and blah blah… that’s not why I follow people. This is a community and I enjoy the realness that your blog has! Looking forward to following you in 2019 and praying for a positive year for y’all!!

  59. Happy New Year, Kat!! Thank you for always keeping it real, it’s why we love you! Just wanted to say, while yes, I LOVE your style and get inspo from it weekly, you haven’t only inspired my wardrobe, you’ve also encouraged me to be myself. I am a Christian, and while I get my worth & value from God, it’s encouraging to see others live out who they are, and that’s what I see in you. A sassy, smart, and hilarious girl being herself. I follow a lot of fashion bloggers, but you are the only one that makes me excited about being me. (I hope this makes sense)
    You’ve mentioned going to church before, I don’t want to over-step or assume anything, but if you aren’t attending a church in SF yet, I want to encourage you to find one. Community is so important as part of self care. I’ve heard the pastors from Vive Church in Sf and they are amazing. Wishing you the best in 3019 and looking forward to getting to know you more through this weird but pretty cool social media world.
    XO
    Melissa

  60. I LOVE your blog. Without it, I’m afraid the fashion blogging thing can get a little vapid and superficial at times…if I’m the one being honest now. You are different from so many others because you are funny, real, honest, and we really get a sense of who you are from your blog posts and even the commentary on Instagram and definitely the videos! I love when you share home and cooking stuff, too! So, please, keep your blog!

    PS – Looking forward to your next move as I know you are!

  61. Sharing similar feelings in my last blog post. But, AMEN on the apartment living, what a nightmare it has been for us! Down to the last month here and we are so counting the days!!!!! 2019 gets better Kathleen – it really does! Keep holding on!

    https://www.bloomingmagnoliasblog.com

  62. Hi!

    I’m so glad you shared this post! I’ve been feeling the same way the last few months and can identify with a majority of what you’re sharing. Kudos to you for going to therapy AND for sharing that you are. I feel that therapy still Carrie’s a stigma even though it shouldn’t. I’ve gone to therapy before and found it to be extremely helpful.

    Keep sharing and doing what you do!

  63. Once again, thank you for being so genuine with us. I’m so happy to see 2018 end; I’ve been in a funk since the end of 2017, and one thing I’ve learned is that there isn’t that “one thing” that fixes it all—though I wish there was. I’m learning that little things help and maybe not all the time but perhaps through consistency and welcoming perspective they will help more and more over time. Cheers to a better year ahead, girlfriend!

  64. Preach sister! In this overly concentrated platform you always stand out and are truly my favorite to follow. I have had a similar year filled with more tears than I would like to think about but just knowing that there are others going through this sort of thing is helpful. We can look back and enjoy what 2018 brought us but also kick it to the curb . Cheers to a new year!

  65. I like all of your posts, Kathleen – I’m not a fashion blog person, actually, but your beautiful photos and aspirational content really speak to me – but these ones are my favorites. I appreciate your honesty and your gratitude and your acknowledgment that so much of what is done in your profession is curated and unrealistic. It’s refreshing and relatable, and I hope you keep the personal posts coming!

    I’m in a similar situation – my husband and I moved to the DC area a year ago for his job and I absolutely hate it – so I especially relate to your struggles to get settled in San Francisco. It’s so hard to live in a place you don’t connect with, even if you do have much to be grateful for. Don’t beat yourself up too much for that. I hope we both have better luck with it this year!

  66. I love what you have shared about your personal struggles (growth), because it is very similar to my story. My husband, also a head and neck surgeon, and I moved from my native NYC to rural Georgia 17years (before blogging) ago to join a growing ENT practice. I left my Nurse Practictioner Masters progam at NYU and took a $30,000 pay cut to follow his dream job. It was, and still is painful at times. No family, no friends. Fast forward 17 years and 4 kids later, I have learned a lot about myself, and my resiliency. We have thrived! My husband owns the practice now, and I have chosen to be a stay at home to my kids for the past 2 years. I’ve recently been enjoying blogs and have gained so much from you and bloggers like you. Keep the great posts coming. I’m reading every one!

  67. I normally don’t visit blogs and am strictly an instagram follower but I’ve been following your insta page/journey for the past few months and could not relate more to you. When you posted about today’s blog post I just felt like I had to go read it and I’m happy that I did.

    Like you I am married to a physician and in June had to leave my family, friends and career in my suburban life to move to the east coast version of San Francisco for my husband’s residency. The journey has been a lot of financial strain, stress and anxiety… its definitely been quite the struggle and not knowing anyone in medicine your blog has been helpful to see that I am not alone in this. (Even though I wish no one had to go through it lol) I wish all the best for you and Christian in this new year and thank you for sharing!

  68. Thanks so much for sharing this. Personally, I prefer posts like this that are open and honest. Anyone can post about the latest sale at Nordstrom, but this what makes you unique and worth following. Even though I don’t know you, I have loved following along with you! You are one of my favorite bloggers out there. Wishing you a wonderful and blessed 2019!

  69. I LOVE that you shared this, Kathleen! So real and so needed. I love beautiful content yet have unfollowed several bloggers over the last year in an effort to quiet the noise. You produce gorgeous content and have authenticity, depth, and spirituality— which I value even more, and really, it’s where the true beauty lies. So thank you for your transparency, for being positive while being real and not sugar coating. As a social worker, thank you for helping to raise awareness for self-care and mental health— it’s SO needed amongst the picture perfect lives we see portrayed on social media. As a fellow DrW, hang in there! I feel like every major move we’ve done has taken me about 9 months to feel truly settled. Praying for peace for your heart and joy that surprises you beyond measure this year. To hell with the numbers, you are making a difference! This single post alone has greatly impacted me and many others. So grateful for your work.

    1. WOW – thank you so much for this feedback, Miljoy! This is so helpful to hear and I totally agree – I prefer the raw and honesty over perfectly styled any day. Thank you for this beautiful encouragement. So much! XO –

  70. Girl this post could not have come at a better time for me! I feel it on a personal level. Our struggles aren’t the same but our strength is! I’m going to follow in your footsteps and get myself a gratitude journal. Thank you for keeping it real. Happy New Year! Side note: we have the same name and anniversary.

    1. Another Kathleen I love it! Our STRENGTH – love love love that. I think you’ll benefit from a gratitude journal, I know I definitely have! Big hugs girl, and same anniversary, that is wild! XO –

  71. Thank you for being so open and honest! Happy New Year. I hope that 2019 is full of love, laughter and dreams/resolutions coming true.

  72. You are my FAVORITE blogger because you are so authentic! Thank you for sharing this post with us. Since my back injury from my part-time job on November 12th, I was left so devastated. I was training for my full running marathon and had to face the decision of not being able to run my marathon in January ‘19. I felt as though the last 6 months of training were taken away from me. I was in a constant blue, but to be completely honest your stories, posts, blogs, and just being able to somehow talk to you through this platform really helped me get through all of this. I started physical therapy and I was recovering little by little. I am now clear to go back to do normal “workout activitie.” I am not allowed to run on the pavement until March, I can run on the threadmill. 🙂 You are such an inspiration to me! I love you dearly! Xoxo Daniela Zoe, from Tampa, Florida.

    1. Daniela! You are always so kind and supportive, and I truly can’t thank you enough. I’m so sorry to hear about your injury and setback, I know that has to be SO frustrating. To think that I was able to bring even a little light to your day makes my year! March here you come, lady! Big hugs love you –

  73. I FEEL YOU! I know you have to preface everything by saying you’re grateful bc someone will say “well that’s bratty” etc but life is hard sometimes. Not in the obvious Illness, death kind of way. But your feelings should be acknowledged. I am a military wife, married 9 years and moved 6 times to different states and about to do another. Hubby and I get in funks sometimes bc we don’t have that “friend group” that we would back home, just to relax and decompress after the 15 hour work days. I’m sole caretaker of our son and do EVERYTHING for us and the house. Sometimes it just gets to you and that’s ok! I send you all the light and love….the real, funny, goofy, stories you and barnezzzzz share with us make me smile!

    1. Lindsey – I can’t say it enough. Military wives are my HEROES! You guys are constantly my inspiration, I can’t even tell you. Thank you to you and your husband for the sacrifices you make for us. And here’s to 2019 – may it be lots of love and light gf! XO

  74. I love your honesty and can totally relate. I truly have nothing to complain about in 2018 but I left NYC my home of 12 years, spent the summer with my parents and then moved in with my boyfriend in NJ who is now my fiancé. I sometimes miss my cramped studio apt even though I have this amazing life. And now I might be changing careers since commuting sucks! But I love when you share about the things that frustrate you especially with living in a city. I can totally relate. Except now I’m in the burbs and I’m the uptight on edge one while everyone else is friendly. 🙂
    Keep posting and sharing and I’ll keep reading and watching! Here’s to 2019!

    1. Girrrlll I hear you. Although I’m reading this and thinking, “may I move in!?” KIDDING, but it’s always interesting how hindsight is 20/20. I hope 2019 will bring new opportunities and a cozy life with your fiancé (and best wishes babe)!

  75. Thank you for sharing with us! I have to tell you, I’m from Mississippi and we have some connections (my SIL and your SIL were good friends in high school), and I LOVE listening to you talk on your insta-stories. You are one of my favorite people to follow on IG. Including celebrities and real life friends, you’re one of my top five to look up at the end of my work day. I’m not fashionable or trendy, but you make me laugh and are a bright spot. I just wanted to tell you that. You are a light, even on your blue days. Keep doing what you are doing! Hang in there. I pray that soon, your days will be less blue!(I’m obsessed with lula and bailey stories, too! Ha)

    1. No way! Thank you SO MUCH for these kind words that I do not deserve! It really means so much to me that I can make anyone smile or laugh after a long day, so thank you so much for taking the time to share that. Truly. Thank you so so much!

  76. Thank you for sharing the raw posts. This is what keeps me coming back to read your posts day after day. (Well that and the banter with Christian and outfit inspo. let’s be real I’m here for it all! )

  77. As a military spouse with my own career (hellooo DINK) I completely identify with this. It’s HARD. I’m also a type A planner. There’s no road map and charting your own course is full of potholes that you can easily get sucked in too. It’s awesome that you’ve recognized your funk phase and are working on it! I’ve learned that if I feed the negative it’ll just keep coming. I try to push it out with workouts, professional goals and a few personal goals that are just mine. Every year is new and has fresh challenges and wins. I hope 2019 is full of positive growth, happiness and new joy for you!!

    Also, love the long form blog, love the stories, love everything positive and raw that you share. You really are doing a great job!!

    1. Military spouse! The real hero! You have a great attitude and that is why military wives are seriously my inspiration. You guys just push forward and never complain, it amazes me. Thank you so much for this encouragement and for these kind words. I hope 2019 is just as fabulous for you. And thank you to you and your husband for the sacrifices you make for us. Big hugs!

  78. Love this post, one of the many reasons your one of the few I actually read still 🙂 For meditation definitely check out Tara Brach! And if you’re not following Cleo Wade or haven’t read Heart Talk it’s a must!

  79. I love this post! I can be very bad about reading the blog posts that come to my email but you are one of my favorites. I live your IG stories. I think we all appreciate when people open up and become human. It makes them even more relatable. Keep on keeping in and I KNOW things will t better!

  80. I LOVE this. Thank you for your raw honesty. The disappointing aspect of Instagram is how artificially perfect everyone’s life looks and THAT is what is unhealthy to see day after day. Finding someone that inspires you, who you can relate to and who makes you feel good is the goal… and that’s you! At least you are for me and, obviously many other women. ANNNDDD, I 100% relate to your 2018 feels…all of them.” Struggle Bus 2018” is what I refer to it as… was a shit show, honestly. But, cheers to new beginnings, deep breaths…and less dairy. Thanks for putting it all out there. Just love ya!

    1. Jen!! Thank you so much for this!! It really means so much more to me than you know. I love referring to 2018 as a shit show – that literally made me laugh out loud. You’re hilar. NEW beginnings – bring it 2019! Wishing all the best for YOU as well! XO

  81. This was so raw and honest! Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. Also, thank you so much for sharing that you have sought out a therapist! I also see one, and have been for five years now, but the stigma is still there and it’s so important for people to break it down! I know it can seem like people only care about Instagram and stories now but your blog is literally one of the only ones I read anymore because it’s just so good! Happy New Year and may the next six months fly by with amazing experiences and plans for a house!! Much love!

    1. Shelby! Thank you so much. It means so much to me that you still take time out of your busy day to ready CBL, seriously – that means A LOT. Thank you for this kindness, encouragement and love. I hope 2019 brings you blessings on blessings, sister! XO

  82. Kathleen! Thank you for your raw and honest reflection on 2018. I certainly appreciate your honesty, and Im sure many of your other followers do too. I always enjoy your posts on CBL and Insta stories, dont stop! My husband (who happens to also be named Christian!) works in law enforcement and I also feel sometimes my life and life schedule is dictated by his career, so I empathize with you in that area. Its just plain hard sometimes. Kudos to you on reaching out for therapy and dealing with it the healthiest way possible, and not being afraid to share that with all your followers! In today’s world I believe that is so important. I’ve rambled a bit, but cheers to new beginnings in 2019! I wish you and C all the best.

    1. First of all, thank you and Christian for the many sacrifices you both make. I have so much respect for law enforcement and firefighters that put themselves on the line over and over again for complete strangers. Thank you for your encouragement, and I hope 2019 blesses you as well gf!

  83. Thank you for this inspiring post on the first day of the new year. It’s always humbling to read “real and raw” posts because it helps us to remember that we all have struggles that we go through along with the bliss that we also celebrate in our lives. I love following you not only for your style but the laughter and fun you bring in to our lives daily by just being yourself. Thank you, cheers to 2019 and hoping it the best year yet for you. Xoxo Ashley

  84. Loved this post. Unfortunately I don’t often read blog posts, at least not all the way through. But you write so beautifully and you’re so real, that I very much enjoy reading yours. Cheers to 2019 and I really hope it get muchs better for you!
    All the best
    XOX
    Sandy

  85. Bravo to you for sharing such a real but heartfelt excerpt into your life! Lots of us can relate personally in so many levels of what you’ve shared, so hopefully you can relish in the fact that you didn’t feel this way all by yourself. Sounds silly, but what helps me in a funk is repeating those motivational-ish quotes to myself, consistently. It truly grounds me and puts me right back into a happy place. And like my southern momma always says….”this too shall pass.” And it does! And eventually the hiccups become easier and/or fewer and far between. Hope that for you this year!

    Xoxo brandi

  86. Girl!! My husband finished his residency in 2017 and we moved back to Canada because that’s where he wanted to practice. I always felt like at least you can take your job wherever you are. I was in literal limbo all these years not being able to really work in the states. I worked minimum wage jobs for the past decade when I could to support us. It’s hard. Every year I thnk “all i want is peace.” It gets only crazier. It certainly has since he has his own practice and we have a two year old! I’m just trying to get used to putting out fires, ugly crying for a few minutes if I have to and just taking a bath when all else fails and ride the crazy that is my life. Pls try to enjoy your dink!!! Our problems before having our daughter seem so petty right now! happy new year!

    1. Oh wow. Aynaz I wish I could reach through this computer and hug you! What a sacrifice you have made for your husband. You’re exactly right, being self-employed has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. I can’t imagine trying to find new office jobs in three cities over 10 years. That’s extremely tough. I know your husband must recognize what an incredible partner you are. And CHEERS to you, you are doing it all and you got this. You got this!

  87. I loved reading this. Your honesty is so goddamn refreshing. I love following you and feel like we are friends. Hope to one day gossip over glasses of wine with you! Sending love from Atlanta! x

  88. I can relate to this post on so many levels it’s crazy. Wishing both of us a happier and healthier 2019! We got this!

  89. Kat,
    I so appreciate you. Your honesty is what draws me to your content. You’ve gone through so much this year! I personally have loooooved your SF looks! They’re so cool and keep me inspired to try new outfit ideas. Thank YOU for having such a beautiful soul!

  90. This is so real, needed, and honest! I truly have always been a fan of your content, and I love CBL! Your style of blogging is real, your quips with Barnez are funny, and you make life relatable! I think we all have stages of struggle, no matter how fortunate we are blessed to be in life! You sharing yours makes it easier for me to relate! Thank you for always keeping CBL real, funny, and unique! May your 2019 be better than 2018!

  91. Great post. We have all been there!! Thanks for keeping it real. Xoxo and I hope we both have a better 2019 than 2018!

  92. Just read all three of your real / feeling blue posts from this year and I just want you to know I totally get it and you’re not alone. My fiancé plays sports professionally and we consider ourselves blessed but it’s his job that has dictated our life choices and decisions and naturally resentment can build but as your post mentioned, the adventures God sends you on are enough and are purposeful. You’re already my favorite blogger but now I like you even more somehow. Thanks for keeping it real. Praying 2019 gives you some relief!

  93. I’m not sure how many times I have probably said this to you but this post shakes me to my core. It’s been a year and four months since we made our move to the bay from Texas for my fiancé’s job and it’s been the toughest storm in my life. So much so it has driven me to sobriety. It’s hard to grasp feeling sorry for yourself when you know of all the other bad things going on in the world but I understand. We should never feel guilty for being sad but here in the bay it’s truly hard. You keep it real and brighten my day everyday. You and Christians relationship is like mine and my fiancé. Cheers to 3019

  94. Thank you for being so honest! I LOVE following along with your life on instagram and always look forward to watching your stories because you CRACK ME UP! Seriously, you are hilarious and it’s clear to see that even when you’re going through crap you approach things with humor and grace. Also wanted to send a note of encouragement about Christian’s career choice – though I have no idea what you’re going through having to cater so much to his career, I have so much respect for both of you! My dad was diagnosed with head & neck cancer 6 years ago (he’s in remission now thank goodness) and a team of surgeons rebuilt his tongue using skin from his arm. It’s so crazy to think that things like that can even be done! But they wouldn’t be without talented, dedicated doctors like your husband. So thank you both for your dedication and I hope things get brighter in 2019. Cheers!

  95. You are precious and I love you & your stories. I have an insane amount of blessings. More than I deserve. I am a pretty tough chick and am usually very go-with-the-flow. Having said that, I have cried 9 billion times this year. Think I’ll be scheduling a professional visit soon myself. Thanks for being real and honest. I would prob feel the same about SF. But I feel like Psalm 23 has been my anthem this year. Even walking through these emotionally unstable valleys, He is here. Prayers and blessings for 2019!

  96. Thank you for keeping it real, Kat! ❤️
    (This is my first comment to a blogger, ever. I usually just read and move on, but this was so amazing!)
    Happy New Year!

  97. Thank you for sharing this post. It’s raw and real. And honestly, I really appreciate the fact that you shared some of the disappointments and how life has been tough because we can all relate – I know I do! And the more we share with each other, the better since we’re normalizing the fact that we all go through sh*t, so perhaps it’ll teach us to be more forgiving and empathetic. We all go through ups and downs and you’re in a down phase, but you’ll get through it. This might sound hippy dippy, but I’m sending good vibes your way 🙂

  98. I appreciate the candor, my friend. On the outside, you’re this glamazon with a sharp wit and excellent taste in husbands (hi Christian!) So it’s easy to forget that the “pretty people” have problems too. While your issues may not be life-ending, that doesnt mean they dont shake you the hell up. But maybe this season was put in your path to do just that – shake you up. It’s easy to get accustomed to the status quo, especially when living that sweet OC lifestyle – maybe you needed a bend in the road for a reason unknown at this moment. I for one, think you will overcome this bump with the hilarity we have come to expect from you. Cheers to 2019, keep doing you boo, that’s why I keep scrolling/reading/laughing/nodding my head in agreement! ❤❤

  99. I am so glad I stumbled upon your insta and blog! I’m sure I should thank another blogger for introducing you to me but I have no recollection of who it may have been. Regardless I find you to be one of the REALIST bloggers out there. So relatable and so hilarious! Just know that in your worst moments when you put on a brave face and hopped on the gram you lit up someone else’s day!

  100. I cannot begin to tell you how much I relate to this post. My husband’s job landed us in Illinois after being in Mississippi my whole life. We have been here in Illinois for almost 3 years now, and 2018 absolutely kicked me in the lady balls. I’m not a crier, but I would wake up and just cry. I hate being emotional and didn’t know how to respond to it. This year my only goal is to “feeling like a kid”. Be happy, laugh, don’t care about what people think. You got this girl! We are going to be the happiest women 2019 has ever seen!

  101. thank you for being so honest & real. you’re right I haven’t read a blog in a long time and I just scroll through Instagram endlessly but something told me to read this & I’m grateful I did. it’s good to know that I’m not the only one to have a lot of bad days or feel guilty being upset or depressed when there’s a lot to be grateful for. I hope you do get out of your funk & you’re able to feel happiness constantly. wishing you positive vibes for 2019 =]

  102. Thank you for posting this. I follow you because you seem like someone I would hang out with, and I enjoy what you have to say. A lot of others I follow on social media, solely because of the clothes, but I never read anything they write or watch their stories. I appreciate your vulnerability in writing this. As someone who is not a social media influencer, it is easy to feel jealous of the “social media persona” that others can project, and it can have more of a negative impact on my mood. Posts like these help balance that, so thank you for putting yourself out there.

  103. Thank you for putting words to the exact way I was feeling about this year. I love your real posts and often times relate. Here’s to a fulfilling 2019 for us both

  104. What a beautiful post. I also struggle with whether or not the things I do are making a difference. It’s so very easy to get into a funk and so hard to get out of it. Hang in there, in the big scheme of life its just a blink and you will persevere. God Bless!!

  105. I love following you because of how your posts feel like an echo sometimes of years I’ve lived. I’m 44 now and have been through many of those same tough roads- following my husbands career, being in an unfamiliar (and frankly, undesired), new home, growing, changing and finding my new, wiser self. I appreciate and root for you, Kathleen. Sending you hugs from a friend and wishes for strength and a newfound sense of getting to know and love yourself even when you don’t always recognize yourself. Xoxo Heather

  106. Kathleen, you are one of my absolute favorite bloggers and I love to follow you on Instagram. I find you so refreshingly honest and witty and down to earth and hysterical and real. In addition to your stunning outer beauty, you are clearly beautiful on the inside as well. I so relate to everything you wrote here. In addition to all of the blessings we’ve had this year, my past six months have been pretty terrible between a lot of housing issues, job security and unnecessary drama with friends and family. I truly have never felt so happy to say goodbye to a year like I did with 2018. Please please please continue to do what you do best – you are such an inspiration to us all. And cheers to a better year for all of us in 2019!

  107. You are not alone! Every day we are faced with how we will deal with the today and the carry over from yesterday. It’s a struggle that most people go through daily. I have the house, yard , kids and career and yet a feel like I should’ve started blogging and see that world as glamourous and wish that I didn’t have to deal with fixing things around the house, feeling like my bank account is non existent at times because of stuff we have to pay for. We all have are wants but for the most part are haves is exactly what we need at that time. There are two things that I know for sure: love and life are never easy, but when you find someone or something that brings you joy, the tomorrow seems more promising. Thank you for your honesty and I’m sorry San Francisco hasn’t made you feel at home. It really is a great city and it does take some time to get used to, but once you find those whole in the wall coffee shop, bakery or pizza spot or a place looking over the city or water while blogging, hopefully your all feel more at home. I also have some recommendations and places for weeknd trips near by , if needed. Good luck with all your endeavors.

  108. Sending love and light for this new year! Ive just DMd you with a post on Instagram. It’s a poem by Erykah Badu, when I saw it it made me think of you and this post. ❤️

  109. What a thoughtful and lovely blog. I hope you see the impact you have in so many ways, more than inspiring your followers fashion habits! Your struggles are so relatable yet refreshing to hear ❤️

  110. You have always been one of my daily blog stops every morning. I hope you continue to blog and instastory (I am always laughing at your stories). Keeping looking forward you can’t change the past and things change with the season. Hoping you have a better year!

  111. Thank you for this post. I am thankful for you! I am going through a tough struggle myself these last few months and your blog is such a bright spot in my day. Keep your head up! I wish you a wonderful 2019 filled with love, laughter, joy, health, travels, and personal growth and success!

    1. Theodora – what a beautiful name! I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through some rocky months… honestly, it’s the worst. I hope 2019 will be a beautiful year for you as well!

  112. Always appreciate you keeping it real and relatable! I think it’s important to see that a successful, well-adjusted young woman can struggle with the seasons of life. Wishing you and Christian a healthy,HAPPY new year!

  113. This is why you are my favorite blog. I have noticed a trend of a lot of influencers I follow doing less formal blog posts and more instagram pictures. While I understand it from a time perspective, if that is all I wanted, I could just follow brand’s Instagram accounts. You keeping it real is what allows your readers to connect with you. As much as I love the fashion aspect of your blog, I think there is even room to do more content outside of fashion in 2019. Keep up the great work, we are rooting for you!

    1. Carly – this is such great feedback to hear, thank you so much for sharing! I love hearing that you still crave actual conversations, real discussions and topics. Honestly, it’s a relief to read so many of you still want this. So thank you. Thank you!

  114. This is such a real and raw post. Thank you for putting it out there for the world. That’s a hard and brave thing. I don’t normally comment but I thought your post deserved some feedback! I used to read so many blogs every am while having my coffee, now I typically scroll Instagram. Yours is one of the only feeds that draws me over to the blog. You offer something that is outside of just filling up content. I feel like you offer a real peak inside your life and an honesty that is so refreshing. Just in general your posts and stories and blogs are refreshing and I love keeping up with you and Christian and seeing all your fashion food home and life happenings. Keep up the good work girl!

    My husband just finished a 6 year residency and fellowship and girl it is SO hard! We had a 1 year fellowship in a new state and it definitely leaves you questioning and homesick amoung other feelings. Just know that it gets better! My husband finally has a real big boy job and our family sees him more than ever and so many of our unknowns are now known and it gives alot of relief. Keep your head up and keep at the good work you are doing! Your work is also life giving! And you’ve been blessed with the ability to be flexible in where you work so you can both pursue your dreams! Lots of good coming to you in this new year! Love from North Carolina xx

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this thoughtful feedback, Monica! I love hearing how much better life has gotten for you guys and it’s definitely inspiring. I can only pray we are in that situation and soon! Big hugs to you and thank you so much for this support and love –

  115. I so appreciate your honesty! I enjoy your fashion posts but I read your personal blogs word-for-word every time. We don’t have honesty in this world, especially amongst us women. Don’t get caught up in the numbers – just do want you enjoy.

  116. Thank you for your sweet heartfelt blog post. It’s so much fun following you and I love your insta stories! Thanks for keeping it real, I think it helps all of us! My heart broke when I read you had lost your neice, that alone is so hard!! Thank you for being real and sharing your struggles. And for sharing your life with us! Looking forward to 2019, setting goals and prioritizing time with family! Happy New Year!!

  117. I love this post so so much! You are one of my favorite bloggers!

    I feel like many bloggers are stating to say the same thing. It’s all about numbers and the likes. I look forward to your long content and I feel like there is an overload on the selfie and shirt is on sale pics…
    Also your insta stories are freaking hilarious!

    I can completely relate to your life being dictated to where your husband works. My husband is in hospitality and we have moved every 2 years for the past twelve. There were some cites that just left me feeling blah and every year I went in wondering what’s next. This year is the first year I feel content in the new year and I know it comes from knowing I’m not moving and I love my town.

    I hope you get your happy place and look forward to your posts this year!

    1. Thank you for this feedback, Shannon! EVERY two years – oh my word that is so much. I’m so happy to hear you’re feeling more at home now, what a huge blessing! Thank you for this encouragement and support!

  118. Wow! I’ve been following you for about six years and this post is amazing! You are being open, real, and vulnerable. It reminds me of Jenna Kutchner’s blogs and a blog you wrote several years ago when you were contemplating leaving Urban Decay and felt unsure. I can relate to 2018 being a bad year; my brother had a serious health scare, my best friend of 30 years moved to MI with her husband, and I lost all three of my pets, my cats were 22 and23 and my beloved dog Bebe was 18. I feel sad and at loose ends, So glad to see 2018 go! I always enjoy your IG posts on fashion and travel, they are fun and upbeat but it is your blogs that truly show me who you are and the shape of your heart. Please, continue to blog and let your pretty smile shine! Love, Gaya.

    1. Gaya I’m so sorry that you had a rough 2018 as well – losing pets is so hard. They are family, especially after that long! Thank you so much for these kind words and support. It truly means so much to me. May 2019 also bring you MANY blessings!

  119. I’m sorry to hear about your tough year. I can relate and sometimes it’s nice to commiserate 🙂 I hope we both have a fabulous 2019 – I’m calling it the year of leisure (since that is what my tired soul is craving).

  120. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! Sometimes we forget that there is always more behind the picture perfect Instagram moments.. I have had one heck of a year myself and am trying to see the silver lining from the heartbreak. Wishing you all the best in 2019! You are hands down my favorite blogger!

  121. Kathleen –

    Thank you for your honesty and putting yourself out there…it isn’t easy! I am so ready for 2018 to be in the past and felt, although I am blessed as well, was just an ick year and felt off all year. I have just started looking into a gratitude journal and am always looking for books to read (listen to, lets be real) for inspiration and some uplifting when needed. Can you recommend either a journal or any books/podcasts? I love going off recommendations!

    Here is to a better, brighter, healthier year for you, me and all! 🙂

    Jenell

    1. Hi Jennell – I don’t use a specific journal – just a blank paper journal! I two posts dedicated to podcast recs if you search “podcast” on CBL and I plan to do another one soon! XO –

  122. Please keep blogging! As much as I love following you on instagram (your stories always make me laugh), I truly look forward to reading posts like this one! They are so relatable and really impactful. Thank you for always sharing such wonderful, honest content!

  123. This. THIS! This is why you are one of my favorites. We get so sick of seeing the fake, cookie cutter, unreal images of life behind those tiny squares. This is exactly why I had to unfollow 3/4 of the bloggers I once loved. They “evolved” into these unrealistic people who are all starting to look, act, and dress alike while touting to us to be positive bc they too have piles of laundry or some other mundane chore to do in the background. Eye roll. I love that you are who you are and can manage to stay authentic and raw and still show that not everything in life is perfect. This post was so relatable on so many levels and shows just how real you are. Thank you for that! Please don’t apologize for being real and raw, it’s so appreciated.

    1. Becca! I appreciate this honesty – you are hilarious. “Eye roll,” I literally laughed out loud. Thank you so much for these words, I genuinely strive to be original so it means a lot to me that you see that. And THANK YOU for this feedback. It’s so valuable!

  124. I’ve absolutely loved your personal posts this year and I want to thank you for being so honest! I’ve had the same kind of 2018 as you have, with my husbands fellowship causing my life to do a 180. Yes I also have so so much to be thankful for, but the last six months with moving and starting fresh has also made me cry more than any other year. It’s so tough, and I’m there with you! Thanks for the encouragement, being real, and of course providing amazing content that I feel I can escape to. Love your work!!

    1. Thank you for this sweetness, Krista! Fellowship life is not for the faint of heart. It sounds like we have been going through the exact same thing and I hope the light is at the end of the tunnel for you too gf! Big hugs –

  125. I love the fact that you are real & not just all about the clothes & living the glam life. From Instagram perspective, it is hard not to get caught up in “highlight reel”. The last half of 2018 was horrible for me as well. It was tough – you were not alone.

    I quit a job that I loved but the people weren’t so great to me. I watched my mother slowly die. I started a new job. I was terrified the entire time – still am. Although I am grateful to have another job so quickly, it is still very difficult starting over learning new company dynamics/people/systems. It is humbling, awkward and terrifying. I have been back to see my therapist, read, talked, journaled and prayed. The only thing that did help (still helps) was remembering a similar time in my life (around your age) where I felt hopeless, scared, sad and not knowing how to fix it damn it! I am a fixer too. I didn’t know who I was anymore. My job, relationships and how I experienced the world changed – it felt like a piece of me was dying and it was. Within the next 12-18 months, my world looked very different. I had a job I loved that carried me for the next 15 years, I bought my first home, and I met my current husband. I needed to let go and make space for the “new”.

    So, Kathleen, remind yourself that you just experiencing the death of something that is supposed to die. It is going to uncomfortable, scary and sad (there are more adjectives I am sure). You are making space for a new deeper, richer life that you have no idea how it looks now but the Universe does. From one older fixer to one younger fixer, sometimes we just must let go, embrace the discomfort and let it resolve itself. It will be okay….

    xxxooo

    1. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Kathy. You sound wise beyond your years, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I know suffering losses so deeply really make you look at the world around you differently. Thank you for this encouragement and I hope that 2019 is so good to you because you deserve it. XO

  126. Good for you. Well, I never truly knew about blogging and I stumbled across you in a StyleWatch magazine. I’ve followed you ever since. I’ve been introduced to Haute off the rack, Pinch of lovely, Hollie Woodward, Chelsea Olivia, Emma Gemma, Rach Parcell, A Southern Drawl, and so many more. I am a business Owner and I wanted to start a blog and I was so nervous, but now I can. Sometimes, as women we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders I dont think our hubbys ask us to, but we do because we want to make life easier for those we love. You’re definitely not alone and I am truly grateful for your blog. May God continue his great works in your life

    Nyisha G.

  127. This is why you are my favorite blogger. You are so open and raw in this post and so eloquent and I love it so much. I truly look to you for style inspiration and any insight you have and you always seem so happy and like you have everything together and honestly your courage of opening up and sharing with us how you’ve been feeling is so inspiring. My favorite part of this is when you basically said, yes there are worse things, but we all have a right to be upset and I couldn’t agree more. I hope 2019 is filled with nothing but love and happiness for you and thank you so much for sharing and I hope you share more personal posts this year as well.

    http://www.livelaughlinda.com

  128. You are my favorite blogger for many reasons but this post right here highlights why. I’ve always enjoyed your down to earth personality and sense of humor that shines through on social media. You are stunning, have fabulous taste and are successful , but I love how you can be raw and real here in a society where everyone only shows the perfect and the shiny online. I’ve been through a lot in my life from divorce, to my Dad having a heart transplant and much more. I just want to share a quote I’ve always shared with my friends & family when they’ve gone through a difficult time. I always say “Life is a book and right now it’s just a crappy chapter, it’s not the whole book..” It always helps me to think of things that way! There are beautiful and amazing chapters in our Iives, and there are confusing ones with plot twists, and then there are incredible ones after that as well. I can tell from your post that you know exactly what is best for you. Your plans for the New Year are exactly what I think will be most beneficial. Journaling, taking time for self reflection/meditation.. therapy- you got it girl! Sorry this is so long, just wanted to say I understand and everything is going to get better as you said with a little time. Here’s to a beautiful new 2019 for you!

  129. This post really brought tears to my eyes because I can relate so much to it. I recently moved to a new state, work by myself, and have very few friends/family around. So this year was filled with changes which brings on the anxiety and sadness. I don’t quite remember how I started following CBL or when, but have been religiously ever since. And while I adore the fashion aspect, I’m more interested in you personally. Your humor and interaction with Barnes is something so precious.

    Just wanted to let you know, along like everyone else how much I love your blog and continue to read the lengthy posts. It’s always a part of my day when I can have some coffee, read blog posts for the day, and carry on. Is Instagram good for a quick pic when something is on sale? Yes. But that’s not what I appreciate. I appreciate your hard work, dedication, and for creating this site so we can all connect.

    Thank you! XO
    sarasavorystyle.com

  130. Thankful for this post! 2018 was much the same for me. To steal your wording, I felt consistently blue more than ever before and really had no reason for it. I plan to start seeing a therapist regularly in 2019. I think everyone could use some counseling! Thanks for the encouragement. You are one of my faves and I love your writing!

  131. Omg please don’t ever stop blogging! It takes me a while to get to blog posts, but I MUCH prefer it to YouTube cuz I can read while holding my baby who refuses to be put down during the day for this nap and your blog is my absolute favorite non-mommy blog that I follow. And to be honest, I only follow those mommy blogs to find out where they get baby stuff cuz I have a shopping problem. I love that you don’t shove codes down peoples throats and you’re a fashion/lifestyle blogger that DOESN’T just shove products down peoples throats. It’s so refreshing and you’re style is amazing. Keep doing you girl!

  132. Kathleen I just want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this post and all of your honesty for what 2019 brought you. As someone who also has a career that tends to dictate my husband’s life and housing, reading your side of the story was a breathe of fresh air and something that I needed.

    I love how candid you are on insta, but I want you to know that I still find your blog enjoyable and really enjoy reading what you write! Also I loved your house tour!!!

  133. Thanks for your honesty. We all have funks in life and sharing them helps us to see that they are part of being human. For the record I love your stories about your day more than anything, so wholeheartedly agree with resolution no. 10 to share more of your REAL life. There are so many people who can post gorgeous pictures of outfits and vacations but very few have a following like you and yet have the courage to be vulnerable, be open about the highs and the lows they see in the world every day.

    And yes, please please please post more Barnes in 2019. He completes you and always manages to crack me up on the days I’m feeling blue.

    Xo
    Sarah

    1. Sarah – thank you so much for this kindness and feedback! Honestly… I’m grateful so many of y’all understand our sassy banter – it makes me laugh! I’ll tell him your request – and thank you for taking the time to read and follow CBL! Truly means so much to me.

  134. 2018 honestly wasn’t that great for me either. I faced a ton of family struggles for the first time and lost my grandmother to cancer which was devastating. I feel you when you say TOODLES 2018, because so am I! 2018 was not my year at all and I am so looking forward to 2019! Thank you for sharing your personal story! Love your blog too, you truly crack me up and I love watching your insta stories!

    xo,
    MK

    1. Thank you for sharing your story, Mary and I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I love the start of a new year to start fresh and with a head held high. We got this! Big hugs xo

  135. Living in a San Francisco for my husband’s job caused a terrible depression for me. I totally did not feel like myself anymore in that city, and to be honest it got better almost immediately after we left. Thanks for your honesty, and hang in there!

    1. Hi Caroline – you know, you’re not the first person I’ve heard this from. I find my energy/attitude different when I’m out of town, bu I know we are here for a reason so I’m going to continue to look for it! Big hugs –

  136. Happy New Year! I think it’s very brave of you to be so raw and real about your feelings on 2018. I’m sure there are so many people that can relate. For me, 2018 brought the passing of my great-grandmother, who i adored, infertility like we never imagined and a virtually zero work-life balance situation with my job. Throughout all of that, things like watching your insta stories brought me so many lighthearted and genuine laughs that often helped me get through the day. I know it may seem silly to think that when dealing with so much, a stranger’s stories could make me feel better but it’s true and it’s important you know that what you do is important. It’s not about the clothes (although your style is FAB and I enjoy that content as well), it’s about all the other imperfect, real, HILARIOUS stuff that we connect with.

    Wishing you all the best in 2019!

    Give grace, choose joy <3

    Rachel

    1. Rachel – thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and I’m so sorry that 2018 has been a year of challenges for you as well. A doozy. Thank you so much for these uplifting words and I hope that 2019 will bring you blessings upon blessings!

  137. Kathleen, I truly enjoy and appreciate how real and transparent you are with all of us. I really look forward to these types of posts and am looking forward to more of them this year. 2019 will be a better year for all of us!

  138. Such a wonderful, honest post! The personal ones are always my favourite. To be honest, I’m not really much into fashion or decorating, I mostly just follow you for your personality!

    2018 was a hard one for me, too. The most difficult one of my life, and I relate in many ways. It’s incredibly frustrating and disappointing when things outside our own control start impeding on our own expectations. This was the crux of most of my heartache throughout 2018. It felt like disappointment after disappointment. I, too, sat in countless therapy sessions, and tried gratitude journals, and yoga, and meditation, and I still felt bitter and sad. It wasn’t until the year was (finally) done and I looked back at it (to write my own year in review post) that I realized I was making expectations rather than aspirations in life. Complete game changer for me! Aspirations allow for so much more room to pivot when unexpected things pop up– we can change our path slightly, adjust, and move at an appropriate pace based on our circumstances. They allow for chance and for other people. Expectations, in comparison, are so set in stone and emotionally charged. And when they’re not met, we’re left with resentment, disappointment, and frustration. This one little change in perspective has been absolutely monumental for me. It’s funny, because sometimes people can tell you something over and over, in many different ways, but you still need to go through the process yourself before it clicks and you really understand it. But when it does, it really changes you forever.

    I won’t be so flippant as to say that this year was necessary for you, or that it will work itself out with time, because I don’t know any of that. But I do wish contentment for you. I really appreciate you sharing so honestly your struggles. It’s such a pleasure to follow you and hopefully it will be up from here! All my best wishes for a happy and healthy 2019. xx

  139. Kathleen,

    First of all, thank you for letting us into your life. It can be difficult to share some of the more personal things but you should know that all CBL girls we are rooting for you! Your daily humor, light, and realness is something I look forward to everyday and sometimes even gets me out of funks. Its only the 5th day into the new year and I’ve already had a breakdown. Reading your post right now re-assures me that we all have our own ways of coping with things and thats ok! Regardless, we should always look on the bright side. I know that 2019 will be everything we want it to be! <3

    Lots of hugs and love, Alma

  140. From photos alone, we would never know what’s going on behind the scenes but you always break it down Kathleen and for that, you are amazing! I am sorry that things haven’t been the happiest and fulfilling for you but I know this is just a phase and things always work out the way that they always do. You are inspiration and you continue to be. Keep it up and looking forward to what is in store for 2019. Happy New Year!

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

  141. This post was everything. My man and I moved to San Francisco 2 years ago from Alabama with the same hopes of a new city and came into a lot of challenges that just killed the vibe. I have similar goals this year to calm down and get back to enjoying the positivity around me. Good luck and cheers to you!

  142. I absolutely love everything about the CBL universe!! From blog posts to Insta updates, you’re a total gem in what can be a messy world of social media. Although you’ve had a tough year, your constantly positive attitude and continual search for personal growth is inspirational beyond words. I follow you from all the way over in Australia and feel grateful that you’ve opened up your journey to so many followers. I’m certain your reach is further than you know. You’re a Queen! All the best for 2019, you’ve got this girl x

  143. Kathleen, I love reading your long form content. I’m not interested in the shallow instragram life, I like content that is honest and useful. I think many, many women feel the same way. Please DO NOT GIVE UP on things even though you are in a very difficult season of your life right now. You have a wonderful life, love, career, dog… you name it. We often have to go through dark difficult times but you will get through it. It will get better. Remember you have so much love around you. You are definitely allowed to feel down and blue sometimes, but just DO NOT GIVE UP, your community is here for you. Prayers for a happier 2019.

  144. I love this post, thank you for sharing with us!! I can totally relate to your thoughts, especially about your husband’s career. Therapy and meditation have been really helpful for me, I’ve used the Insight Timer app and try to do so once a day. Truly think it’s helped. We, too, are DINKs and trying to enjoy that lifestyle doing what we want and not comparing ourselves to others but it can be challenging. I don’t follow as many blogs as I used to, but I do still read your blog and interact on Instagram and your candor and positive, hilarious personality is really refreshing! Thankful for your willingness to share your life with us!

  145. Kathleen, I absolutely love your blog content! I found you on Instagram, but have gone through an Instagram revival (I’m so dramatic…) and have quit using it as much. I just get too sucked in sometimes. I’ll be back to it, surely, just need a break to create for who knows how long. Anyway. I’m so happy to have come to your blog. I especially loved the honesty in this post. Your work is wonderful, classy, humorous, and fun. Thank you for sharing! Please don’t leave the blogging world! I prefer this to selfies in T-shirts with sale info (but those are nice too). 🙂

  146. Kathleen,

    Sending you big, big hugs (and champagne because why not?). I had a similar 2018. This past April, my mom and step-dad announced that they were getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage, and as a 29-year-old who went through the trauma of my mother leaving my alcoholic father at age 2 (I do have memories of when we all lived together), my feelings felt indistinguishable this past year to how I felt back then as a small child. Totally abandoned, unlovable, unable to fix problems that I so desperately want to. On top of that, my mom has been job searching for over a year, and I am so anxious now about her wellbeing and basic needs…it’s been A LOT to deal with. Tears upon tears, anxiety attacks I have never had before, feeling sad wayy more days than happy. All of this impacting my relationships with my boyfriends, friends, and family. Trying to HIDE my true feelings to put on a “happy” face. It got to be too much. Because of everything going on, I finally decided to start seeing a therapist in 2019, and I have had 3 sessions with her so far. WHAT A BLESSING THERAPY IS. I wish I would have gone sooner. I will continue to enjoy any and all content you share, but definitely share the real ‘n raw – I’m here for it.

    xx Marah Elizabeth