I remember when this happened to me, over two years ago, and thinking I wanted to share this experience on CBL. But I was still so taken aback and honestly, embarrassed, that I didn’t know how I could share it without sounding whiney or like I was fishing for validation (which I promise you I’m not!).
BUT, it has been on my mind and heart lately and I thought… let’s just go for it. I think this is something that we can all learn from – because I know I learned from it.
Several years ago I flew across the country to attend a college girlfriend’s wedding. I hadn’t seen a lot of these gals in the years since I’d moved out West. The bride had flown in for my wedding, which meant so much to me, and I wanted to return the love on her big day. Several of the college friends I would get to see had bought homes and had babies since we’d last seen each other, and I was really excited to hear about their new lives.
My bestie was also flying in for the occasion but wasn’t getting in town until the day of the wedding. After the Friday night welcome party, I went to the hotel bar with the others there to chat some more before calling it a night. I was solo but genuinely excited to see everyone.
Before I knew it, a girl who was an acquaintance during college (at best… let’s call her Sally) but mostly just friends with the same people, sat down at the table. Within minutes, she started in. Sally went on to tell me that “nobody likes you,” and then went on to critique my outfit and friendships, slurring, and asking her friends to chime in. They were telling her to be quiet, trying to escort her away, reel it in, apologize on her behalf, and some just silently left the table. I was in shock. All I could muster to say to her (somehow by the grace of God channeling my inner Erika Jayne, ha!) was, “you know, that’s fine. We’ve never been friends.”
Sally was escorted outside, and I was beyond humiliated, having never been spoken to like that before in my life. The more it sunk in, the more embarrassed I was. What had I gotten myself into and what did I do to trigger her to this extreme?
Later I got an apology text from Sally and information from others that this wasn’t the first time she had verbally attacked some unsuspecting person at a wedding. So there’s that.
What I Learned
I later learned Sally had some complicated stuff going on in her own life. After a few drinks, things would spiral out of control and her behavior was TBD. I’m not judging her drinking by any means. You know when I’m at a wedding or party, I’m going to indulge in some vino myself (cheers!). It was her behavior that was unacceptable, hurtful, uncalled for and reminded me why she and I were in fact, not friends in the first place. In this incident the girls I knew did a great job of shutting it down, and I am really grateful and appreciative of that. They did everything they could in this unpredictable situation, and I still love and respect this group of girls.
As a whole, I’ve always been taught that you are who you surround yourself with, and Sally will most definitely not be a reflection of me or how I speak to and treat people.
When people talk about you, it says more about them than it does about you. I barely know this girl, so it was highly unlikely I’ve had that much of an impact on her life.
Looking back, I wish I would have just stood up and walked away when Sally started acting inappropriate. I was frozen, in shock, and while I responded well initially, I ended up getting choked up after the fact and excusing myself. I didn’t even have the courage to tell Christian what had happened right away because it was so ridiculous and embarrassing.
Thankfully I was able to move past it and have a great time at the wedding. The bride was stunning and the wedding was beautiful, and I’m truly happy I went… despite this crazy story!
I’m not going to lie… I’ve definitely moved on but I can’t forget it. After thinking long and hard about the experience, it really proved that when people are rude or hurtful, it almost always is a reflection of something going on in their life. I don’t feel the need to lash out at others (besides occasionally Christian for leaving plates in the sink or my mom when she’s being high maintenance), so when negativity was so blatantly directed at me… I didn’t know how to handle it.
It also proved that while I live for Real Housewives, I am not cut out to be on TV. One confrontation and I was shook. Ha!
Ultimately I don’t regret going to my friend’s wedding. The bride even felt the need to apologize to me (which she didn’t need to whatsoever. She was not a part of any of this in any way), but I regret how I handled the situation. I should have walked away, no tears. Be the bigger person. Everyone is bigger than a Sally spouting off, ya feel me? And the great news is that I hear Sally is in a much better place now, and we all agree that this incident is water under the bridge.
Has anyone ever spoken to you so out of line that it stopped you in your tracks? Did you learn from the experience? I’d love to hear what you learned. I think there is so much knowledge when we can live and learn and share with each other.
If you made it this far… thanks so much for sticking around and reading! You can catch more personal posts here. XO –