palm trees

I remember when this happened to me, over two years ago, and thinking I wanted to share this experience on CBL.  But I was still so taken aback and honestly, embarrassed, that I didn’t know how I could share it without sounding whiney or like I was fishing for validation (which I promise you I’m not!).

BUT, it has been on my mind and heart lately and I thought… let’s just go for it.  I think this is something that we can all learn from – because I know I learned from it.

What Happened

Several years ago I flew across the country to attend a college girlfriend’s wedding.  I hadn’t seen a lot of these gals in the years since I’d moved out West.  The bride had flown in for my wedding, which meant so much to me, and I wanted to return the love on her big day. Several of the college friends I would get to see had bought homes and had babies since we’d last seen each other, and I was really excited to hear about their new lives.

My bestie was also flying in for the occasion but wasn’t getting in town until the day of the wedding.  After the Friday night welcome party, I went to the hotel bar with the others there to chat some more before calling it a night. I was solo but genuinely excited to see everyone.

Before I knew it, a girl who was an acquaintance during college (at best… let’s call her Sally) but mostly just friends with the same people, sat down at the table. Within minutes, she started in.  Sally went on to tell me that “nobody likes you,” and then went on to critique my outfit and friendships, slurring, and asking her friends to chime in. They were telling her to be quiet, trying to escort her away, reel it in, apologize on her behalf, and some just silently left the table. I was in shock. All I could muster to say to her (somehow by the grace of God channeling my inner Erika Jayne, ha!) was, “you know, that’s fine. We’ve never been friends.”

Sally was escorted outside, and I was beyond humiliated, having never been spoken to like that before in my life. The more it sunk in, the more embarrassed I was.  What had I gotten myself into and what did I do to trigger her to this extreme?

Later I got an apology text from Sally and information from others that this wasn’t the first time she had verbally attacked some unsuspecting person at a wedding. So there’s that.

What I Learned

I later learned Sally had some complicated stuff going on in her own life. After a few drinks, things would spiral out of control and her behavior was TBD.  I’m not judging her drinking by any means. You know when I’m at a wedding or party, I’m going to indulge in some vino myself (cheers!). It was her behavior that was unacceptable, hurtful, uncalled for and reminded me why she and I were in fact, not friends in the first place.  In this incident the girls I knew did a great job of shutting it down, and I am really grateful and appreciative of that. They did everything they could in this unpredictable situation, and I still love and respect this group of girls.

As a whole, I’ve always been taught that you are who you surround yourself with, and Sally will most definitely not be a reflection of me or how I speak to and treat people.

When people talk about you, it says more about them than it does about you. I barely know this girl, so it was highly unlikely I’ve had that much of an impact on her life.

Looking back, I wish I would have just stood up and walked away when Sally started acting inappropriate. I was frozen, in shock, and while I responded well initially, I ended up getting choked up after the fact and excusing myself.   I didn’t even have the courage to tell Christian what had happened right away because it was so ridiculous and embarrassing.

Thankfully I was able to move past it and have a great time at the wedding. The bride was stunning and the wedding was beautiful, and I’m truly happy I went… despite this crazy story!

Today’s Thoughts

I’m not going to lie… I’ve definitely moved on but I can’t forget it.  After thinking long and hard about the experience, it really proved that when people are rude or hurtful, it almost always is a reflection of something going on in their life.  I don’t feel the need to lash out at others (besides occasionally Christian for leaving plates in the sink or my mom when she’s being high maintenance), so when negativity was so blatantly directed at me… I didn’t know how to handle it.

It also proved that while I live for Real Housewives, I am not cut out to be on TV.  One confrontation and I was shook.  Ha!

Ultimately I don’t regret going to my friend’s wedding. The bride even felt the need to apologize to me (which she didn’t need to whatsoever. She was not a part of any of this in any way), but I regret how I handled the situation. I should have walked away, no tears. Be the bigger person. Everyone is bigger than a Sally spouting off, ya feel me?  And the great news is that I hear Sally is in a much better place now, and we all agree that this incident is water under the bridge.

Has anyone ever spoken to you so out of line that it stopped you in your tracks? Did you learn from the experience? I’d love to hear what you learned.  I think there is so much knowledge when we can live and learn and share with each other.

If you made it this far… thanks so much for sticking around and reading!  You can catch more personal posts here. XO –

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117 thoughts on “The Meanest Thing That Was Ever Said to Me

  1. Wow, Kathleen. First of all, thank you for sharing this with us. How very personal and so very terrible of an experience. You certainly handled it well and I am sure your friends thought very highly of you and how you handled yourself in the company and negative comments of this person. You are right, Sally’s comments reflect on herself, not on you.. You are beautiful and talented and others see that. Im glad you were able to enjoy the wedding and were able to put the experience in perspective, a person unhappy with themselves lashing out at another. Again , thank you for sharing. It’s how one responds and conducts themselves at times like this that shows others who you are. You ae respected and admired by many and I’m so glad you were able to move forward in such s positive way.

  2. I am definitely one that freezes in situations like that, or I end up so mad that I cry. Neither one is good. I think that you are right that the best thing to do is to walk away.

  3. I’ve been a long time reader of your blog. I love it!!!…especially your fashion sense and self depricating sense of humor.
    I don’t normally comment but your story today really spoke to me. About 5 years ago, I was a general manager of a boutique here in NJ. I had 3 managers and about 40 part time employees. Needless to say, it was a stressful job for me. I always felt like I was putting out fires. My night manager was much younger than me but (like I did with all my managers) I trusted her and it was my job to get her up to speed so that she could move up in the company.
    I started getting complaints about her attitude and behavior when I wasn’t around. My part time employees (mostly high school seniors) were terrified of her. I started having people quit without notice because of the way she spoke to them. I had no choice but to have a conversation with her. Things did not change even though she acknowledged that she had been harsh. She promised to do better. After an incident in which she reduced one of my other managers to tears, I had to write her up. This was a tough decision for me. I liked her. In fact I recruited her. I know she was going through some issues with her boyfriend. She was also having some financial trouble. However, I couldn’t just brush it off. She was not happy being told that she was being written up. She proceeded to storm out and throw (yes throw) her store keys at me. Later that day one of my adorable 17 year old part time girls comes to me with tears in her eyes. I asked her what’s was wrong. She asked to speak to me in private. She could barely speak. Instead, she showed me her phone. There it was on Facebook for practically everyone I worked with to see. A post from the disgruntled manager saying “So glad to be out of that hell hole. My manager was a bitter bitch who is miserable because she can’t get pregnant”. It felt like someone dropped a ton of bricks on me. I was horrified, embarrassed and felt totally betrayed. I had been pretty open and honest about my issues with infertility. I never expected to be exposed on social media for many mutual friends and work colleagues to read about. To top it off, HR had to get involved as we had to get alarm codes changed etc. so now they were made privy to my issues as well. I was humiliated. To this day I am extremely private about anything I do in my personal life. That makes me sad because I spend more time with my work colleagues than my own family. But I just can’t get over it. I’ve moved past it but will never be as trusting as I was in the past. I know what it feels like to be blindsided like you were at the wedding you attended. Clearly that exchange had nothing to do with you..but it doesn’t hurt any less. If nothing else it makes me very careful to always be aware of how harsh words and actions can affect abc really hurt other people. Thanks for sharing.

    1. AMELIA. This makes me clutch my heart. I am so sorry you were put in that situation. That is completely unacceptable and beyond cruel. I love how you said, “Clearly that exchange had nothing to do with you..but it doesn’t hurt any less. If nothing else it makes me very careful to always be aware of how harsh words and actions can affect abc really hurt other people.” This is so well-said and really gets to the point. It makes us aware that OUR words can really hurt people and while we are all flawed, we have to be mindful of the power of our words and actions. All my love to you, thank you for sharing your story and I feel sorry for anyone that has to work with this chick. She sounds like a real nightmare.

  4. That breaks my heart to read that. Girls can be SO mean and it’s just sad and truly awful. I was in a sorority in college too and going back for weddings can be tough for sure. I’ve also gone through a really big change in my personal life recently with my relationship and I’ve learned A LOT about the girls I am (was?) friends with after college. I know for a fact there have been things said behind my back and I’ve most definitely felt uncomfortable at parties or get togethers because of the way some of the girls have looked at me or snickered behind my back- it is not fun. The unfortunate thing is that no one knows the full story (except for my closest friends) so people tend to speculate and that just has a domino effect.

    I mentioned this one time on here but last year I was at a friends wedding in Asheville, and I wore a red maxi skirt and an ivory lace crop top (it was a casualish outdoor wedding at like 1 pm) when I saw the bride I was like “oh my gosh you look beautiful I love your dress!” and her comment back to me- without skipping a beat- was “thanks, it looks like your top.” I was shocked and most definitely teared up (she didn’t see that) but I talked to some of the other girls about it at the wedding and I wish that I didn’t cry, but it happens sometimes when we aren’t expecting something.

    You are extremely strong, beautiful, smart, funny and successful and honestly she was probably feeling less than so she lashed out and that is not ok, but it sounds to me like you handled it beautifully.

    1. You’re so right – girls can be the MEANEST. In this time of “girls support girls” it’s so disappointing when we feel the opposite of that. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this kind of behavior not once, but twice. It sounds like you’ve come out the other end much stronger and sure of yourself. I’m so proud of you for holding your head high, Blaire!

  5. This happens all too often so thank you for sharing. I had a similar situation happen at work after presenting a huge project that I was very proud of only to have two women shit all over me to another co-worker (who ended up telling me). It was most certainly a reflection of their insecurities and had nothing to do with me. A couple months after, I quit that job and haven’t looked back!

  6. Thank you so much for sharing! I read this this AM at work and it resonated so well with me. Girls can be ruthless at times, weather or not it was their intention, or had a few too many, it leaves a mark. I think what you said about how “you are who you surround yourself with” is so true as well. As I get older the more comfortable I become with letting go of those who are disrespectful, and truthfully dont add anything to my life, and ensuring that those who support, respect and show so much love for me I keep very close.

    XO
    emily@vitabrillanti.com

  7. Thank you for sharing such an experience, at some point in our lives we came to situations such as this. It’s sad and we never walk away feeling our best. Sometimes, we’ll just have to smile and think of how hard or difficult her life has been compare to ours. She has lived a hard life and was just in an envied position. All we can do is just wish her a good day, smile and walk away! ♥️♥️

    ♥️LA BIJOUX BELLA♥️ | BY MIA | A Creative Lifestyle Blog

  8. It definitely says more about them than you. When I was in college, I had brought a friend to my room and apparently what we were talking about upset my roommate so much (I don’t even remember what it was, but it was harmless) that when we came back to the room, my mattress was gone, all of my stuff had been thrown around, and my clean laundry was on the floor. She was washing her face and then came in the room and got in my face and called me the “c” word. I am not a confrontational person and don’t curse so I was so scared and frozen. Luckily my friend wasn’t afraid to stand up for me. We left, I was crying uncontrollably and was just so confused as to what I did. It was hard for me to come to the realization that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. I ended up moving out and leaving the school after the semester was over because mutual friends had turned on me and told me how awful a person I was. I’ve forgiven them and moved on but something like that sticks with you. Thanks for sharing your experienceoh, we found out that she had thrown my mattress down the staircase

    1. SARAH. This story is insane and sounds like a major case of bullying. I am so sorry you had to start college like this. There’s no excuse for behavior like this – I hope you moved onto another college with supportive friends who are KIND and fun and not crazy. Not cool!!!

  9. I worked for a woman who talked to me like this. (Not outfit criticism—she actually really liked the way I dressed but consistently told me how I knew nothing and no one wanted to hear my opinion). I always just froze! And then felt so small and stupid for not sticking up for myself. But I needed that job at the time and felt like I couldn’t push back at all. I still carry those insults with me and they like to creep up when I doubt myself and my abilities. You are the BIGGEST person of all for not calling her out.

    1. I hate that you still carry them with you!! She sounds like she was threatened by you so the last thing you should do is carry around her negativity. You’re a boss!!

  10. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your honesty. I also appreciate how you uplift other women. We all need to learn to be less critical and celebrate each other. Love your blog and Instagram!

    1. I’m so glad you feel that way! I think we have so much to learn from each other and as a girl’s girl, I love strong, confident women. XO

  11. Thank you for sharing. I agree completely that when people act like that it usually has nothing to do with you. I’ve experienced it in my business and personal life. But it doesn’t take the hurt or sting away especially when it’s a personal attack. But it does help me to focus on having more grace. I’ve known people like Sally and I can easily eliminate people like that from my life completely or like you said understand why you wern’t friends in the first place or kept them at a distance. But I have a hard time understanding why others don’t have boundaries with that person and continue to be there friend despite having to deal with this embarrassing behavior over and over. I wouldn’t want to invite a “friend” to my wedding who I have to worry about causing a scene and that I’ll have to apologize for their behavior later. I have learned a long time ago that I will not have people in my circle of friends that drain me, steal joy or are a constant source of drama and negativity. I am fine with having a much smaller circle filled with people that bring me joy and support me and to put it bluntly, have their crap together! I am in my early 40’s so I guess my age may be influencing this mindset in some ways too.

    I appreciate you sharing and being so candid because I think it can help others!

    1. No I totally understand where you’re coming from! It’s hard to understand. I love your attitude and even though I just entered my 30’s, I already feel the same. Here’s to being WISE women with kind hearts and grace. I need to show more grace like you!

  12. Kathleen,

    You DID handle yourself beautifully! Easy to rehash after the fact and try to redo it in your mind. I think that was a classy and poised response that you somehow mustered having been completely blindsided by this girl who clearly, as you said, and I agree, has major issues of her own. Her behavior says nothing about you and everything about her. I too have had moments where I wish I were made of teflon and could just deflect ickiness when it comes my way. I struggle with not reliving it and continuing to give life to these silly things. I certainly couldn’t handle being a Housewife either!! You are not alone in this. And just from following your blog, I can’t imagine anyone not liking you! “For you to insult me, I first would need to value your opinion.”

  13. I cannot imagine.. You are incredible and clearly “Sally “ is jealous hooker. I’m surprised she even has any friends left. Although I’m sure you know her hurtful words aren’t true.. doesn’t lessen the sting of pain. You are a beautiful gangster and never forget it!!!

  14. Oh, dear. Well said! I’ve dealt with a situation or two like this and I always have to remind myself that there is something so wrong with someone that feels the need to attack others for no reason. Or even WITH reason. It is never ok to say hurtful things. It’s unproductive and unbecoming if anyone.

    And btw, I’ve met you in person and you’re lovely. Sally is a sad person.

  15. I’m sorry to hear about your experience. When I returned home after college (out of state) I received a lot of hate from old high school friends. It was shocking because I had never before been treated so rudely. It hurt and made me insecure for a while. I eventually moved away and it has been so good for me. I completely agree that when someone acts out and says insulting things, it is most certainly a reflection of who they are, not you. It took me some time, but I am actually glad that I was faced with hate because I’ve become much more confident, and way less interested in pleasing other people. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Irene! This attitude is amazing. I’m so sorry that you experienced that but your attitude coming out of it is incredible. It is powerful to have that self-awareness and security in yourself!

  16. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that rude girl. Sounds to me like she is a very unhappy person and clearly jealous of you. It’s really sad, but jealousy is the root of all evil. Girls can be so mean. I’ve dealt with several situations like this and it is really tough being the bigger person. But you just have to tell yourself that they are miserable in their own lives and jealous. If someone says something rude to me like that I usually say “ looks like you need a hobby, sounds like you are thinking about me a lot”.

  17. Been there! I had an unpleasant situation at a wedding where my friends left me out and ignored me all night. I was newly pregnant via IVF and couldn’t dance or drink. I felt so uncomfortable and dismissed. I got choked up several times as well. Being a mean girl is not okay! Of course I wanted them to have fun and enjoy themselves, but I didn’t expect to be so left out. I was also the DD that night and was super emotional after leaving the wedding. It was not a fun night…. and then a friends sister who went with us got way too intoxicated and ended up vomiting EVERYWHERE in my car on the ride home. Worst night ever.

  18. Girls can be the worst sometimes. It’s always disappointing to me when girls don’t stick together, build each other up and cheer each other on. She must have been threatened by your beauty and success! Thanks for sharing – made me think how I would naturally react in this same situation (tears + make me self conscious) vs, how I SHOULD react instead (BYE FELICIA :).

  19. This makes me so sad for you, but even more sad for her, clearly she is a deeply unhappy individual. I think you handled that situation as perfectly as possible. I’m currently going through something like that with the girl I work most closely to at work- she takes dig after dig at me and tries to make me feel “less than” yet simultaneously wants to be my best friend. That ain’t how it works honey!! I don’t have friends like that! The game changer for me was realizing she says the things she says to make herself feel BETTER not realizing in turn it makes me feel WORSE. Once I realized it was about her and not me it became so much easier to deal with. Love your blog and thanks for spreading positivity!

  20. This was such a great post! Can I just start off by saying how beautiful inside and out that you are?! You seem so confident in your own skin and I love you for that! My mom always told me that confidence is beauty!!! I dealt with mean girls all throughout high school for similar situations like this.. I took those negative experiences and turned them into learning experiences and I truly thank all the means girls who built me up to be who I am today and what I’ve learned along the way!! I’ve found out that mean girls are everywhere, and that’s fine, but I too have learned to surround yourself with people who build you up. My other important lesson I’ve learned along the way is that you don’t have to be liked by everyone, and truth is, you probably won’t. I am a huge people pleaser and this was a hard pill for me to swallow, but accepting that has helped me so much! You are an inspiration. Thanks for promoting a positive spot for women to be real.

  21. I love it when you post this kind of stuff Kathleen! Thank you for sharing. I definetely understand where you are coming from. Words hurt! I personally had an experience with the secretary of one of my previous bosses. She was constantly saying mean comments, mocking me and even denying me help when the boss wasn’t around. I truly thought I was doing something wrong and even tried speaking with her to know why she was acting this way. Turns out, she didn’t like the way I expressed myself once and instead of talking to me about it, she went all defensive on me.

    Like you, I later learned that her life was a chaos and she wasn’t happy with herself. She needed a release and I was her closest target. I still think about it and feel horrible because I truly felt like I was doing something wrong, but I wasn’t.

    I am just glad I am not in that toxic environment anymore and I send her lots of positive thoughts whenever I can. She needs it more than anyone!

    Thank you for opening this door Kathleen!
    Love,
    María Elena from @ambinity

    1. I love that you were so bold to maturely talk to her about the issue. You were clearly the bigger person! Your attitude is so admirable and you clearly have a heart full of empathy and grace. May we all be more like you, Marîa Elena!

  22. This was an amazing post. I can definitely say I’ve had my fair share of rude comments from strangers and “friends.” I think you handled that situation in the most graceful way possible and should have no reason to be embarrassed or regretful.

    I know for myself, I either pity the person who feels the need to be rude or feel the urge to throw a glitter-filled water balloon at them. I’m a very sensitive person who rarely gets confronted, but when I do I’m too stunned to speak. Then I relive the moment until I’m angry at myself for not saying something.

    Now, when I see the same people who did me wrong, I treat them with uttermost kindness because I physically can’t be rude or nasty to them no matter what they did. It says more about you how you treat them after. But I think I pity Sally more because she in that moment she knew nobody liked her, or had any love for herself, and had to project it out at you.

    Tabitha
    https://shopsiloe.com/

    1. Tabitha! This is some amazing insight. I too hate it when I freeze in a challenging curve-ball situation. The “shoulda coulda woulda” is so real! You catch more bees with honey – so important to remember!

  23. Kathleen,

    This was a sobering read, and one that I can relate to, except…I’ve been the mean girl, and I’ve had girls be mean to be in return. You are right. Anyone who reacts that way has real pain. And the way I dealt with my hurt was to hurt other people.

    “Hurt people, hurt people.” It’s not an excuse, but it IS a reality, and I didn’t realize until I was 31 how much I was pushing people away who just wanted to love me. Everyone wanted to help me and love me, but I was the only one who didn’t love myself enough.

    That changed when I started to read what God’s word said about me. It took a contrite spirit and a broken heart for God to use me, and isn’t that how He works best in us? He never wants our perfection, but our brokenness, and in that I was made strong. I am learning how to love better, to speak life into myself, as well as others. I don’t proclaim to be perfect, just a sinner saved by God’s grace. He is always saving me out of my fears of abandonment, insecurities, and “feeling less than enough” attitude because I know where my worth lies now. The Holy Spirit will always point you to God, but Satan will always point you back to yourself (and what you lack). When you believed you’re loved, you love. And that’s where I am now.

    So, on behalf of all the mean girls, I’m sorry you were treated with such disdain. I’m sorry that her own insecurity made you question your own for a split second. It is embarrassing and hurtful to have to think: “Do people even like me? Do I have friends?” (In front of your friends).

    You handled this situation beautifully, and I’m glad you used this an opportunity to learn. I hope you can forgive this person.

    After all, the biggest irony about talking opening about our own struggles, is the freedom that comes from bringing our hurt into light, and watching it lose it’s power over you.

    Cheers my friend,
    Heather

    1. WOW. Heather – this has moved me so much! You are such a wise woman, and what a beautiful outlook on life you have developed through your growth with the Lord. “After all, the biggest irony about talking opening about our own struggles, is the freedom that comes from bringing our hurt into light, and watching it lose it’s power over you.” These words are so incredible. All my love to you. Big hugs, sister!

  24. Don’t feel embarrassed that you got choked up! You were 100% the bigger person in this situation and crying is not a sign of weakness. Sounds like you were ambushed which would shake anyone!

  25. I’m so glad you shared this! You are honestly one of my favorite bloggers! I know I don’t actually know you, but I see your posts and Instagram stories and always think to myself, “We would totally be best friends in real life.” I had some experiences similar to this in the past year, and I was SHOOK too. I had always assumed that I would handle a situation like that like a boss, but I retreated. I guess I had never really dealt with it before. But after much thought, because the things people say never go away, I have learned so much as well. Just gotta do us, and surround ourselves with the best people we can find!

    1. Thank you so much for these kinds words and encouragement Emily! I agree that if we can learn from the hard times, it only makes us stronger and braver. You have the right attitude!

  26. Argh I can’t stand mean girls, especially mean drunk girls! I wish I was there with you, I would gone nene leakes on her!

  27. Well your honesty and courage really caught me off guard! I’m impressed! I think there will always be folks who have to project unkind words. It happened to me a few days ago in fact. I walked away as you suggested. Still, it was painful to hear but i quickly realized, thank God, that some negative stuff must be going on with her, as no one who is in a positive place would be so unkind. Now, I steer clear of her.

    Monica | https://stayfitcentral.com

  28. Situations like that are so hard because there’s no way to prepare yourself for how hurt and offended you feel!

    But really – thanks for sharing! I think it’s too easy to forget how much words matter. (And for the record, I definitely like you. 🙂 )

    xx – Naomi
    http://huntingforpinkflamingos.com/

  29. Hey Kathleen! Thank you so much for sharing that story. I knew I would be able to relate to it before I clicked on it. The meanest thing that was ever said to me was said by my best guy friend of my first two years of college. after a year of wondering why he wouldn’t date me he informed me that it was because I “wasn’t pretty enough to date” and “if i was better looking or he if were worse looking we would have been dating already” as well as telling me I was “too fat last semester.” OH MAN! Was that a hit to my ego. It took me a while to get over it because I thought this person actually cared about me (at least as a friend) It’s safe to say I learned a lot from that event. It really hurt at the time but after going through something like that I was able to take a step back, look at my life, find my self worth, and learn about who I really was, what I was good/bad at, and what i liked about myself. I believe that after getting over that sort of rejection I was finally able to accept myself and start really liking myself… and ya know what?! I genuinely like myself! I have a lot to offer and now I am able to relate to and talk to girls that have a hard time with their self esteem or identity issues.

    Thanks so much for sharing Kathleen! I love your content.
    Anna Russell
    instagram: anna_russell

    1. So I know this isn’t the best way to handle this situation but…. I’d really like this guy’s name so I can go tell him off. HOW DARE any man speak to a woman this way!? I love that this experience only ended up giving you MORE strength and confidence in who you are. What a beautiful outcome of some shallow guy’s rudeness. Unacceptable!

  30. Thank you for sharing. As a mom of two girls, it even more makes me want to teach them to be kind and empathetic to others. (& It hurts my heart to think that someone might treat them this way someday). ❤️

  31. I am an instant cry-er! I would have frozen the same way. It never feels good but it is so so helpful to talk about. Thank you for sharing. And if it makes any difference, Sally knows nothing because I think you are great and we have never even met! Haha!

  32. Yes I have. In my line of work I provide services. Most of my clients are super nice, happy and gracious. Every now and then I get a bad egg. A red flag as we call it. I know I shouldn’t have treated her in the first place but I did it anyway type of thing. Last year I had a woman YELL at me. I’m talking full on screaming. I’m the lobby. She called me a fraud, a liar and a thief. I can assure you I am none of those things. Turns out looking back (hind sight is 20/20) that I’m pretty sure she had memory loss issues and didn’t see happy with herself and she was expecting me to work miracles and change her self image for her. I was devastaed. Like you I handled the situation in a professional manner but once she left I broke down in tears. I’ve never been spoken to like that and she was attacking my character. The thing it taught me in business is to listen to my gut. But personally it taught me that no one can take away my self worth. I know who I am and my morals and values and she wasn’t going to make me question myself another second. I’m sorry for Sally but you are a better person because of that situation. All the love to you!
    Xoxo. Nicole

    1. Wow. Nicole this story is outrageous. You’re exactly right – it sounds like she had unrealistic expectations. Amen to Queen Oprah constantly telling us to listen to our gut!! I agree we are all better people for the challenges we have gone through. I’m so sorry you had to experience this but so glad to hear you have come out stronger on the other end!

  33. Thank you SO much for sharing. I think you handled yourself quite gracefully. It’s always surprising how much we can keep it together in situations like this, but it’s like our logical/mature subconscious kicks in. This unfortunately has happened to me more recently with my future mother-in-law. Certain confrontations or outbursts, back-handed compliments, too-forward opinions and things that just make any sane person go, “wait did that really just happen?” Or “was that really just said out loud to me?” But every time somehow it’s like no matter how angry or hurt I am inside, it’s like my subconscious wakes up and responds so calmly and maturely or just laughs it off. In some cases I can find a few words to respond before I also decide to leave the room. Luckily I also have my future husband in my corner, so that helps as well, But yes, in other words, I’ve been there! It’s so hard to not get angry or to not get shook, but I definitely think you handled yourself well. It’s important to always realize that yes, maybe others are going through something that we don’t know or maybe that’s how they’ll always be, but I never have to act like that because I know that it isn’t right. I definitely never want to get on their level because I will fully regret it right after it comes out of my mouth. This might seem silly, but if I’m ever in a situation like this I like to jot down a letter to the person on how their actions made me feel or really anything to let out my response. After I’m done writing it I read it a few times and then tear it up because I’m never going to send it or let anyone else read it, but the exercise really helps me get everything off my chest!

    1. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this with your MIL. I LOVE your idea of writing it all down and then tearing it up. That is such a therapeutic and healthy way to handle disappointment with someone. I love that tip, thank you for sharing!

  34. I think you handled this situation gracefully. There is no right way to respond to hurtful people because we are not expecting such vitriol, and we shouldn’t be expecting it: It’s uncalled for.

    My brother told me the same thing: “No one likes you.” He was referring to my highly dysfunctional family. Whatever. I’m sure he’s right. It’s taken me years (and, I’m older than you) to move on from those mean words. We can wish and pray for those hurting people to get the help they need, but in the meantime, it’s important to not allow them to steal our joy.

    My husband of 25 years always reminds me, “Hurting people hurt others,” and unfortunately, I find it to be very true. You did the right thing. I also think showing an emotional reaction was the right thing. You should never be so desensitized to someone else’s bad behavior that it has no ill-effects on you. You responded appropriately, tears and all.

    1. Michelle you’re kind! I don’t know why I’m this way, but I HATE anyone seeing me emotional. It makes me so embarrassed and then I’m flustered and hot and it’s just the worst. I would much rather cry in private!

  35. This issue was something I was actually thinking about today.

    During my morning commute I was listening to a podcast about mindfulness and attempting to navigate the treacherous MN snowstorm commute. As I was driving along a woman, who I didn’t recognize and I don’t believe I did anything to, was flipping me off.

    I was shocked. I started playing through my head if I had cut her off or what I could have done to make her this upset. Realizing, I hadn’t done anything, at least not intentionally, I started wondering about her. Was it a bad morning? Had she just gotten in a fight with her spouse before leaving the house? etc.

    I decided, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t intentionally making her morning worse but she was intentionally effecting mine with that not so subtle middle finger.

    Normally, road rage doesn’t bother me. But, today I felt rather burdened by it. This post had the perfect timing and a great message about accepting the situation and moving on with your life. Happily ever after style. Thanks for sharing!

    1. She clearly had something going on in her life. I had a similar situation happen to me before in CA (aggressive drivers over here) and I just busted out laughing. What ON EARTH – people can behave so crazy on the road!!

  36. There’s a reason Tina Fey wrote the movie “Mean Girls” – because THEY ARE! I’m old enough to be your mother (GASP!) and women my age still do and say things like this all the time. I’ve learned to brush it off and know it means more about them and their issues. Don’t let this silly incident take precious space in your mind or heart, because life’s too short for nonsense. Keep being YOU!

    1. You know, the painful reality that as we mature these situations don’t disappear. We have to deal with uncomfortable situations all throughout life so we might as well learn from each other how to handle it with grace and poise! Appreciate your advice, Paula!

  37. I call that getting “Pirate Drunk”, my neighbor had us over for a Christmas party and she got “Pirate Drunk” and told me my style was basic boring (I wear a lot of black and neutrals because of work…hairstylist problems) and dismissed everything I had to say. It was our first time socializing with them so she made quite the impression. You handled the situation well and I’m sure you were caught off guard. Hurt people hurt people so you can’t take what “Sally” said personally, it’s a shame she dragged everyone else into it. So awkward!

    1. HAHAHAHAHA Pirate Drunk!!! I can’t. I’d be like, you know who else wears only neutrals? Jennifer Aniston. And I think she’s lookin’ just fine.

  38. I’m shook by reading this! I probably would have handled myself the same way, except maybe the tears would have started before I excused myself! Kind of a script flip on the situation, but once a guy I had a huuge crush on and was involved with (oh college) told me that after a night of drinking I had been trash talking a girl loudly knowing she was right next to me and was telling me I’d said all sorts of rude things. which, while I pretend I’m sassy, I am nooot and plus I just had nothing I knew of to say about her, she was just a super pretty girl in our shared French class… but of course my mind was racing… I asked for her number or screen name (again, oh college) because I wanted to apologize profusely and find out what I had said and just grovel at this poor girls feet. He wouldn’t give me them (he was friends with her) and said this girl was so hurt she’d never want to speak to me… come to find out, this dude was nutso/drama queen and had MADE IT ALL UP … many other clues ended the fling and I only ever heard from other people that he’d made t up, so a tiny part of me still feels mortified about what I “said” but some times you just gotta let it go and feel a little proud that you’re at least not that crazy!
    Anywaysss, keep up the killer work, love the blog and legit lol and your insta stories

    1. Ok this guy clearly has issues. Or is extremely bored. That is the CRAZIEST STORY I’ve ever heard. I am so sorry that he gave you such distress over something that DIDN’T EVEN HAPPEN. How insane!!!

  39. Hi Kat!

    I’ll start with this: 371K(+) people love you – so there’s that.

    Second: poor Sally. She must’ve been broken inside and had/has so many insecurities to fight through — I feel terrible for her. It does not excuse her awful behavior but it makes things make sense – if that makes sense.

    There was a Sally in my life that I for many years considered a sister. Jealousy and envy creeped in her heart and she said the most awful things anyone has ever said to me. It broke my heart but it also made me appreciate myself a lot more because I realized then how much I am worth. Often times, we as women, can place our value in the things that other people say about it, which makes us shy away from whom we really are. We are human and we are sensitive and we care, so when people are mean it really gets to us because we genuinely care about others and what they think of us is important.

    Anyway, I am glad you shared this because I am sure a lot of girls can relate.

    I think for someone in your world; a blogger – you’re much more vulnerable than the rest of us.

    You’re truly putting yourself out there and sharing your heart, your home, your life. So, remember you may encounter a few more Sally’s in your life, but next time, simply bless them. Tell them you appreciate their feedback and it will definitely transform you to an even better person that you know you already are.

    I’ll share this with you: about 4-5 months ago, I was talking to a co-worker that really wants to be in the same role I have. I’ve taken so much time to help her, teach her, mentor her but she is not always as invested as she says she is. Anyway, one day we were chatting and I was sharing with her how stressed I was about certain projects and that I was feeling a little overwhelmed (again, this is someone I considered a friend) and her response was: “well, you know, a lot of people don’t like you around here. You really don’t want to know what they say about you”. I was thinking: “Uhh. Yes I do!” So I said to her; well, if you want to share it go ahead, if not, that’s fine too.

    I regretted those words instantly but I REALLY wanted to know because that’s human nature and we want to be liked, right?

    She said “no one around here likes you, no one believes in you and no one thinks that they know what you’re doing” (at the time I was somewhat new to the company, so yes, there were some learning curves, but damn).

    I wanted to cry and my heart broke because 1) I thought we were friends. 2) I thought I was doing a really great job. 3) I give my ALL to my job.

    So I remained quiet for a about 30 seconds maybe longer and my response was; you know what, I really appreciate you sharing that with me. I like to know where I stand and what my areas of opportunity are. I will make sure I make changes that will reflect my expertise more to others to ensure they believe in me more than they currently do. I really appreciate it and now I am fired up! (and I really was!) but it took me a moment to gather my thoughts, remember why I do what I do, and remember that I am learning and developing in my role.

    She was SO stunned at my response and frankly, a little disappointed. She said, really?It doesn’t bother you? and I said, well it’s not pleasant to hear but it helps me grow. She said “that’s good”.

    When I left, I called my husband and cried.

    I meant what I told her, but it still hurt.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing with us.I am certainly glad you’re as real as you are.

    Thank you!

    XO,
    KM

    1. Karla. First of all, you sound like you should be a therapist because I am SO IMPRESSED with your mature and polished response to this jealous coworker. Can I take Karla lessons?! Because you’ve got it together, girlfriend! And might I add, this professional and wise behavior is why YOU are the #boss.

  40. Kathleen—wow; thank you so much for sharing this and for your wise and mature perspective! I can be so quick to embarrassment and quick to anger sometimes that THIS is an amazing example of grace. I am immensely humbled by your words and seek to remember this whenever someone speaks unkindly to me. Love your presence on the internets and am a fan for LIFE

    1. Robin – I love you! I don’t really consider myself a calm person… but I am constantly telling myself “stay calm” when I really want to flip. I’m taking lessons from Erika Jayne!

  41. Girl I have been there! One of my best friends bfs got drunk one night and gave me the same speech. I wasn’t drinking and was stunned. My friend was drunk and missed it, though her brother was trying to tell him he was out of line. The next day I told her what happened to keep from dwelling on it and she just defended him and told me he’s a grown man and will apologize if he wants. Him and I had always had a great friendship so it hurt, it ended my 7+ year friendship with her as well. A few years later he apologized at a wedding but the damage was done. Looking back though it was a toxic friendship but nothing slaps you in the face more than being told people you care about hate you. I do wish I had walked away but it froze me, all I can do now is grow from it.

    1. I’m so sorry. Losing a friend over a drunken incident is the worst. Ultimately, if she is the kind of person that wasn’t horrified that her boyfriend would speak to you like that… you’re better off without her in your life. Friends should make you a better person, and I have a feeling your life looks just fine without this Sally in your life. You do you!!

  42. Kathleen,

    Like so many others, I wanted to thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. It really resonated with me and here I am, sitting at my desk at work, having epiphanies about the negative people I’ve come across in life. I was low-key bullied by a group of girls in high school that called themselves my “friends”. They continually talked about me, left me out of plans, and belittled me for years, but being from a small town and having little to no self esteem I let it happen. When I got on prom court and none of them did (who knew actually being nice to people could get you any where?) the worst of the bunch laughed out loud and said “SHE made it!?” while I sat in the class two seats in front of her. I could do nothing but hide my red face and sink low in my chair. When I won, they went so far as to demand a recount and again I said nothing, crying when I was alone. Looking back 10 years later, I still think “What did I do to make them hate me so much?” but stories like this and communities like yours who are so empowering remind me that I didn’t DO anything. It was a reflection on them and not on me! It’s taken years to build myself back up from those days and today you got me a little closer to where I want to be. You ROCK and I am so grateful for your honesty and also hilarious insta-stories that always keep me smiling.

    Keep doing you because you are amazing!

    1. Shannon! Not going to lie… this story makes me want to find this chicks and egg their house. BUT instead I’ll tell you that I’m so sorry you had to experience this. A classic case of teenage girls being jealous because you’re well-rounded and clearly respected by your peers. You ARE a stronger person for going through something like this, and I’m so glad you know that their behavior is a reflection of THEIR character. You keep shining, sister!

  43. Hurt people, hurt people! That’s what my Pastor has always said. I believe it to be true. I know i don’t know you but i have followed you for a few years and you come across genuine and sweet as ever! I’m sure your close friends and family tell you that. I only hope Sally has read this and realizes what a complete jerk she was and will learn from her behavior! Thanks for sharing!

  44. You handled this situation better than I handled mine. I had a similar attack at work but I got super defensive and also ranted back a personal attack (which was true BUT still). I regret giving SALLY the time of day or even a reaction! I’ve learned that leaving situations like this are better than me retaliating (even though it felt good to stick it to her in the moment)…she deserved zero reaction, zero time, zero energy. NOW…I steer clear of ppl that give me bad vibes, who never have nice/uplifting things to say and who talk about others in malicious ways. Learning to be a better me even when others are a-holes!

    1. You got the right attitude! Even when the easiest route is to throw a dig, just rising above it and walking away is the best solution. You know what the best revenge is for Sally’s? Being HAPPY.

  45. Kathleen, thank you so much for sharing such a personal story with us! Although I don’t know you..I feel like I do as I read your blog and watch your Instagram stories daily. I know it takes a lot of courage to open up and share your story, I am so glad you did! It is so true that it is not a reflection of you, but rather of “Sally” and her own life.

    I have a friend/coworker who almost weekly says hurtful things or comments where she says shes joking but saying “just kidding after a mean comment” isn’t a funny joke.. At first, it really got to me and bothered me, but since I have just learned to realize I need to surround myself with positive people because I know her words aren’t truly what she feels about me but more that she is so unhappy in her life that she has to bring others down to lift herself up. When you surround yourself with those people, it begins to tear you down and make you feel unworthy and so negative about yourself. I feel so much happier now that I have distanced myself and learned to let go and not take it personally. But I understand how it can make you feel embarrassed and leaving yourself wondering ‘why?’

    You are such an inspiration & a beauty both inside and out.

    Thanks for sharing. XOXO

    1. Thank you for these sweet words and encouragement, Lindsey! I totally agree. You have to follow your intuition with people because you take on their energy. Life is too short and busy to not surround yourself with HAPPY and positive people!

  46. Bravo for being vulnerable and brave. Sharing is caring! No one is exempt from mean people. Sometimes we can look at other people/ friends/ instagram accounts and think that they are never hurt, or that they have never failed or that they have never had really crappy things happen to them. It is so nice when we share the good and the ugly and realize we all have “stuff”. I have had a friend/neighbor lash out at me. She complained about how I didn’t welcome her properly into the neighborhood. She told me she hated everything about me. Apparently even my kids. She told me I didn’t make a big enough fuss over her new car. It was an hour long speech. I too froze. I felt so violated. So sad. I then did a lot of thinking. I can’t fix her. She had a lot of issues. I moved away from her toxic behavior and the neighborhood. Best decision. We don’t have to be friends with everyone and it’s ok. Thank you for sharing your life so gracefully!

    1. Oh my gosh I am SO SORRY! What a nightmare to have that kind of relationship with a neighbor that you literally cannot avoid. So sorry it had to play a part in your decision to move, but happy that you have found a new neighborhood with more stable people!

  47. I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that. You are 100% right, it likely had nothing to do with you at all. As the old expression goes, “misery loves company” and people who are really hurtingcan’t seem to help but spread the misery around. We all know hindsight is 20/20, so don’t be too hard on yourself. You didn’t see it coming so how could you be fully prepared?

    When those things happen it’s important to share with those we love; it’s vital to feel our feelings in a safe space- that’s the key to processing them and moving on. Emotions are generally fleeting unless we try to resist them for whatever reason. At least now you know how you’d handle something like that in the future, although hopefully you don’t have to.

    Much love,
    Kate
    http://www.kategetsdressed.com

  48. I probably would have done the same thing. Froze up and then later regretted not sticking up for myself, beating myself up for all the things I could/should have said. But ultimately you are so right, when people talk about you it says more about them! When people are unkind be kind to them because sometimes they are the ones that need it most 🙂

  49. Yeah, I had my husbands mom scream at me for not letting her come over after I had a miscarriage (because just the week before she and her husband cornered me and told me they should be able to do whatever, whenever with my 1 year old, their first grand baby ). She told me that the miscarriage wasn’t about me, it was about her & she lost a grandchild. Seriously crazy stuff.

    Through the strenuous process of putting up healthy boundaries to save us from them and save them from themselves, I’ve learned that everyone has issues, some more than others, and weather or not someone wants to deal with their problems, push them under a rug, or use your family as their own personal bandaid is NOT YOUR PROBLEM, NOR YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. We are only responsible for ourselves, how we treat others and how we respond. I chose to mend things with her and forgive her, while letting her know that she will not be running my family. That doesn’t change who she is and what she’ll do, it just changes who’s in control, and how I’m going to handle things from now on.

    1. WOW Kristin. This story is unreal. It’s crazy to sometimes realize that you may have absolutely nothing in common with a family member, and they may not be someone you would ever actually invest time in if they weren’t family. But out of love for your spouse, you can’t eliminate someone like that from your life.

      It sounds like you handled this situation as maturely as you could. Hats off to you! And here’s to praying this kind of exchange won’t happen again when in regard to YOUR body and family. LAWD have mercy!

  50. Hi Kathleen. Thank you for sharing such a hurtful experience. I once was treated the same way as you by an acquaintance. During my four years in dental school I had a group of 5 close girlfriends, but genuinely tried to be kind and friendly with all 90 of my classmates. There was one fellow classmate who basically ignored the fact that I existed, never engaged in conversation, said hi in class or otherwise. By the end of our 4th year, most of the class became extremely close. We went out to a bar to celebrate the week before graduation. A group of about 10 of us were gathered at a table when she drunkenly (and out of the blue) went on to tell me that I was such a bitch and nobody in class liked me. She also said it to another one of my friends and we just laughed it off, but on the inside I was hurt and sad. I left the bar seemingly in good spirits, but walked the 4 blocks back to my apartment crying. She too sent me a facebook message the next day apologizing and said she never really felt that way, she wasn’t sure what had gotten into her. It took me awhile to get over, but like you I realize that I did nothing wrong and you can’t please everybody, nor make everybody like you. It helps to know there are others who have gone through a similar experience. You are one of the sweetest, funniest bloggers out there! Thank you so much for sharing .

    1. Oh my gosh Bridget – are we the SAME PERSON!? Wow our experiences sounds crazy similar. I can say and mean that I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s confusing and sad that you’ll never really know what triggered her and it leaves you questioning yourself and your relationships when you didn’t (intentionally) instigate such a blow up.

      I’m really sorry you experienced this and am so glad to hear you acknowledge that you now have let go and moved on. It’s really all we can do – learn from it and get on. Appreciate you sharing your story and for your continued support! XOXO

  51. Thank you for sharing this story, Kathleen. I have a pet peeve that’s sort of related — when someone is really rude but uses the excuse that they’re just “being real” or that they “just tell it like it is.” I have a relative who often says unkind things to people but doesn’t see anything wrong with it because she takes pride in being a blunt person who never sugarcoats anything.

    I don’t understand this mindset at all. It may be fine in certain relationships and certain contexts with really close friends or family, but not with everyone you know. I think it’s great to strive to be authentic, but that doesn’t mean you have to share every single thought that passes through your mind! You don’t have to gush about how much you love someone’s outfit if you really don’t like it, but you also don’t have to tell them you hate it. It’s just as important to be polite, kind, and compassionate as it is to be real.

    I’ve noticed a lot of this on the Real Housewives, actually. I think it’s a big part of how Bethenny gets roped into drama — she is someone who definitely prides herself on her bluntness and honesty and it can get her into trouble. And in her case, thank goodness for that, because I love to watch it. Can you tell that I’m psyched for the RHONY premiere tonight?

    1. Jamie! This is definitely some food for thought. Totally hear what you’re saying and I think you’re so right – there’s a fine line between “telling it like it is” and being respectful and kind. Love your insight on this!

  52. I work with someone who had a tendency to not only treat me like a secretary and do his busy work but would also “jokingly” (in his mind) belittle me in front of other employees. Every time I went to my boss about it (several times over the course of 3 years) I was made to believe it was all in my head. I reached a boiling point at a meeting where he got sassy with me and I lost it…I may not have been quite as rude as Sally was to you, but I raised my voice and got so upset over the situation I cried. He pretty much laughed in my face and continued to (try) and make me look like a fool. My boss was “proud of me for standing up for myself” and I’m all..WTF?! HOW ARE YOU PROUD WHEN IM MORTIFIED OF MY ACTIONS? It’s a situation that I know will stick with me forever, and I know I’ll probably always be torn on what’s better: standing up for myself vs. taking the high road and ignoring stupid comments. I’m very tendered hearted (ok ok and maybe have a slight anger problem burried deep down in there) so I TOTALLY relate to this post and appreciate you sharing! We can’t let the Sally’s and the sucky coworkers win.

    1. Oh girl. I feel you. It’s disappointing that after you did the correct thing (quietly take it to a superior), there wasn’t a resolution. I totally agree with you – standing up for yourself vs silently taking the high road… it’s such a tough decision and there’s really no right or wrong. We always learn from our actions and that’s probably the only positive thing that comes out of situations like this! Big hugs xo –

  53. Thank you for sharing. I have never had anyone approach me like this but I have def been told so and so doesn’t like me, it’s been apparent etc. And yes it is hurtful when you cant find a reason but after I stew over it (I’m an over thinker) I end up getting upset that I’m even validating their opinions. I may give a good cry and then I’m done.
    I don’t think you should regret how you you handled it, it was exactly how you were meant to handle it at the moment. Reflect, learn and on to the next one. This probably won’t be the last time someone tells you they don’t like you for no dam reason. Just pray for them!

    1. You’re totally right – it won’t be the last time! But the upside of these kinds of experiences is you become stronger, you learn from it. And that’s enough to focus on!

  54. Thank you so much for sharing this story, Kathleen! I’m so sorry this has stuck with you years later, but I’m happy you’re talking about it on the blog — I’m sure you’re helping so many women!

    For me, I had one instance where someone was so horribly mean to me ON MY BLOG. The person wrote an insanely rude comment on a sponsored post. And long story short, I knew something was up, and after stalking an IP address, I learned it was a (now former) friend of mine…who was also a blogger. The comment really, really hurt me, especially after finding out who was behind the words. There was a lot more drama that went into it — like I found out later on said person wrote another horrible comment about me on GOMI — but at the end of the day, it made me SO much stronger as a person. I realized that it’s OK to cut people out of your life if they’re toxic.

    And for what it’s worth, Sally was BUGGIN’, everyone loves you.

    xx
    Dana | The Champagne Edit

    1. Dana. Oh, Dana. This kind of stuff – why are girls sometimes THE WORST!? It amazes me how dirty some people will go. Like… does that really help them sleep at night? I’m so sorry you had to experience this, but your’e right – you’re totally stronger for it. Love and light, sister!

  55. Thank you for sharing and I’ve been able to relate so much to all of the other comments on this post! When I was an intern in college working toward my education degree, my supervising teacher constantly beat me down, she laughed at me for asking questions, berated me in front of the students (even for something as simple as creating a scrap paper folder near the regular paper!!), she told my director at the University I had no initiative no matter HOW hard I tried, wrote up her evaluation of me over a month late, after forgetting it for weeks, from memory in front of me while speaking about how much better the other interns were AND even told me, I quote, “It may seem like the kids respect you when you’re teaching, but they’re really just paying attention to you for your appearance.. the long hair, the fancy clothes…”. I could go into a million other details of her shockingly inappropriate behavior (ex: crying to me every day, telling me teaching ruined her life, speaking horribly about the students). I tried to go to the director of my university’s internship program, but she didn’t believe me – stating that this teacher loved her job and would never act this way! This was so devastating to me at the time as an aspiring teacher and I thought I would fail my internship because of it. . THANK GOODNESS for the next semester I was moved to another teacher who was kind and supportive! I loved going to my internship and passed that semester with flying colors. My university director responded to this by saying “I’m glad you finally stepped your game up” (eye roll) BUT The following year in my final internship at another school, I wound up hearing from that first supervising teacher’s former coworker about her severe personal issues. Even then, I still felt ashamed, embarrassed, and like a total failure when I thought back to my very first internship. But now i KNOW it has nothing to do wIth me and the guilt is lifted. It’s so hard to feel at the time, but we as women need to remember thaget it’s not our fault when others treat us this way!

    1. Alexandra – I am SO SORRY you had to go through this with a teacher. Beyond out of line and unprofessional! I had a similar but much smaller incident with a professor at college. She gave me a low grade in my communications class because I wore a patterned dress to a presentation that was “distracting” because it meant the audience was “looking at me” and not listening. Meanwhile giving my teammates high grades (when I did just as much if not more work on the projejct than them).

      It ended up bumping my A down to a B and affecting my average. Teachers like that… are the worst. Good for you for moving on and letting go!

  56. Ugh, I’m so sorry this happened to you! Nothing is worse than feeling embarrassed about something you shouldn’t be embarrassed about. Last summer at the dog park my dog got into some mud. I dragged him into the little plastic pool at the park and hosed him down. While chatting with another woman at the park about where I was going to dump the dirty water, some older man (mid 60’s?) came over to me SCREAMING and cursing at me. Saying my dog was contaminating all the other dogs water and is going to be the reason they got sick, calling me terrible names. He proceeded to angrily flip the pool and it splashed all over me. I was SO frozen and stuttering over my words because I was in such shock I just grabbed my dog turned around and left. There were around 50 people at the park so I was mortified even after their passing comments like “wow he was a jerk” or “don’t listen to him”. Obviously I bawled the whole way home and my husband was wicked mad after I told him what had happened. But honestly, it’s so easy to think back like yeah I should’ve called him this, this, and this and said that but no. He could’ve just had the worst day of his life and the smallest thing happened made him snap. Maybe he really was just a bully & was just looking for someone to pick on, me being vulnerable since I was a woman by myself, but you never know! After that experience (literally the first and only time someone had been so verbally aggressive to me) I just told myself that I can’t let strangers or angry, rude people who don’t even know me ruin my day and bring me down. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

    1. You’re so right Meg! But I think you handled it PERFECTLY. GTFOutta there when someone starts acting like that! Then you have zero regrets. Good for you!

  57. Yes, its sad when people behave that way so rude out of nowhere bc of something going on in their personal lives. Sadly, I’ve experienced this and have also been brought to tears, and am finally to a point where I’m like “no, you’re not ruining my peace of mind” lol. I’ve felt this way when mean people try to critique, gossip, try to form false conspiracies about me or try to find flaws in my character. I ignore. I feel like people want to see it upset you and instead get let down, (become humbled) when your positive attitude doesn’t allow you to steep to their level. They eventually apologize and you smile, move on, pray for them and forgive. We are all human and shouldn’t attack others with harsh words, rude behavior. If we can’t help each other become better individuals why hurt, do more harm than good ? . Well, that’s the way I see it. So just smile and move on. ❤

  58. Thank you for sharing this! I think you handled it better than most have and what you said is so true. It is more about them then you. I had a similar experience where someone was trying to hurt me by essentially saying that my boyfriend felt pressured to do things (like go to Disneyland) with me even though he didn’t want to (which wasn’t true) and it turned into a whole one sided conversation where she attacked me for other things and as a person. I literally sat there frozen in disbelief and did not know what to do. This was years ago so all I remember is walking to my car after and balling my eyes out. Looking back at this now I realize, while writing this, that it was not about me but completely about her. I will never understand why people feel like it is okay to take their problems out on others because I am not that way. I will say that going through something like that definitely sticks in your mind but I do feel like it has given me tougher skin.

    1. Amen. ALL TRUE! We all say thing we regret but unfortutely some things can’t be forgotten. I have this theory that developing thick skin is just better for a happier life. It just makes things easier!

  59. This came at a great time! I experienced something so rude via DM the other day that left me wondering? If you don’t like me, why are you following me? I ended up concluding that the judgment had less to do with me and pretty much everything to do with her…
    I guess you never know what’s going on in someone’s life, but it doesn’t give you a pass for bad behavior!

    1. Ok I JUST saw a clap back from Kelly Ripa in a similar situation and she said, “sounds like you should unfollow me. Also, do something kind today – I think it will make you feel happier.” I mean – AMAZING. You stay you, Rach!!

  60. Envy and jealously rear their heads at the MOST in-opportune time… when you mix in drinks, stand back! In hindsight, I wish you had laughed at her, but I would’ve done the same thing- sat there in utter shock. What makes people be so mean? Ugh! I think you said it BEST, “When people talk about you, it says more about them than it does about you”. She sounds like a very sad human being. At best, she cant handle her liquor! Ha!

  61. I had a similar situation to yours with a bullying text message. I was pregnant at the time and it sent me into a full blown anxiety attack. I am still so pissed off to this day that this person could affect me in such a way with her nastiness that my emotions would cause me to put my unborn child’s life in danger(heart palpitations from the anxiety). I vowed after that experience that no one would ever make me feel that way again.

    My therapist reminded me that the only person I can control in life is myself. I hate that you feel like you wish you’d handled the situation differently. Overthinking is the worst and hindsight is 20/20, right? But girl we got this. Haters are ALL around. Keep your head up!

    1. I am SO SORRY you had to experience that while pregnant. NOT acceptable! I totally agree with you, overthinking things can be the worst. Haters are all around and you’re words are so true, the only behavior we can control is our own. I’m not saying I’m perfect by any means but it really taught me to choose my words carefully. XOXO

  62. Wow! What a great post girl. You know, I had a horrible boss at work for a year who did nothing by torment me. I didn’t know if she had some personal vendetta against me or what. But anyways, she treated me so poorly that shen she left I didn’t know how to be myself anymore. I had lost all my confidence, and it took a while to get it back. To this day I still struggle every now and then knowing I’m good enough or know what I’m doing at work. But I did come to the same realization as you. Something in her life had to be triggering this behavior. What I’ll never know but I do hope in the long run it’s resolved so that she doesn’t do this to other people.

    1. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that in your workplace – someone you had to deal with EVERY day… that sounds like the worst. BUT I’m so glad to read you recognize that one person’s behavior toward you does not define you as person or your work. Hallelujah for being in a better environment now! Hugs to you XO

  63. I hope you didn’t consider what she was saying to be true. If no one liked the way you dressed or behaved, why would you have followers on Instagram? If strangers are able to enjoy your personality and great taste, than it’s safe to assume those around you do as well 🙂

    I’ve been bombarded on multiple instances by an old friend of mine, and learned that confronting her when she was sober and being upfront with her was the best way to make it stop. We had been friends, drifted apart (largely due to her negativity and excessive drinking) and I had changed a lot during that time, (as well all should, over time). She was upset we weren’t friends any more, but also blamed me for others not choosing to be friends with her as well, instead of looking at herself and asking why people from the past were not choosing to be in her life. Hurt feelings combined with copious amounts of alcohol would lead to her loud, angry, crying outbursts from her in public settings, while I stood there, listened and tried to neutralize the situation. Finally, after her attempting to bring other people into the discussions, I called and had a frank discussion with her and it all ended. Rough situation, but I learned sometimes it’s best to just be honest and have a direct conversation. Still stings though and this was several years ago, so sometimes this stuff sticks for awhile.

    1. It’s really hard to realize sometimes that friends can grow apart. I totally hear where you’re coming from! Your last sentence – so unbelievably true. Even if when you move on, sadly it can’t be forgotten. Keep you head up, Emily! You sound like you’ve got such a great, level-headed outlook! xo

  64. OMG girl yes!! First off, thank you for writing such a heartfelt post. It’s refreshing reading your post today as a lot of bloggers have stopped sharing from the heart and it’s mostly about buy this and sponsor that! But anyway, I can completely relate to you and I’m sorry that happened. It always sucks when you’re caught off guard by someone’s behavior and the good lesson here is that you learned on how to approach a similar situation if it happens in the future.

    I can think of two instances that this happened to me. The most recent was a landlord from hell. She actually lived with me and I’ll never do that again. She’s an alcoholic and when I moved in she was sober. But as time went on, I noticed she was drinking again and was drunk one night she came home. She started going off on me about petty stuff and even said, “Nobody cares about your blog”. If I cared what she thought, I would have been really hurt by that comment. I just saw her as extremely childish and wondered to myself, “who says that?”. She just sounded jealous that she didn’t have a blog herself lol. I just asked her, “are you having a good night? cuz whoever you’re mad at, it’s not me.” I just walked away because it wasn’t worth my breath or my time. So happy that I moved away from that toxic situation a month ago.

    The second instance was a rude barista at the breakroom at my previous job. She worked for Houndstooth Coffee and they would come give us free coffee every day. They usually would do the heart design on the latte and I started noticing she wasn’t doing the heart shape for me at least twice. So one day I asked her, “don’t you guys do that heart shape on the latte? can you do it on mine?”, she said, “If there’s time”. I was thinking to myself, “If there’s time? Wth! No one is rushing her!”. So she forgot what I ordered and asked me again and I repeated it and added “Oh and with the heart”. She said, “As we discussed…” I was so shocked by her response, I just walked away and acted like I didn’t hear her. As we discussed? What kind of customer service is that? The nerve! That interaction that day really pissed me off and I told all my coworkers what she did. I even took a picture of my latte, because when she gave it to me, the heart shape was all skewed! It looked really ugly. It was like she was telling me “FU”. It’s fine if you’re having a bad day, but I think this chick hated her job and was rude to me when I didn’t do anything at all to her. When I quit my job, I was happy I won’t have to see her stupid face again. I’m definitely not going to Houndstooth Coffee cuz I’m sure she’ll be there, miserable and being rude to people any way she can. It’s her problem. So yeah, I guess I learned after several years, (I’m in my mid 30’s) to just walk away and know that when people treat you badly, it’s not personal. They are so foul inside that they have to release the toxicity in order to feel better because they don’t know how to cope in a healthy way.

    Good thing you’re not friends and was never friends with that girl. If I was there with you, I would have told that girl to shut up and in a very stern, strong voice. She would have probably peed her pants, LMAO.

    Have a great weekend and keep being you! You’re amazing 🙂

    Bella & The City

  65. I have personally never experienced anything like that, but I do know for a fact that I would probably freeze and choke st the same time, it would have been so uncomfortable! :/ Im sorry you had to go through that, but on the bright side I think it’s safe to say that we learn something from every situation, whether it’s positive or negative. Creds to you for sharing your experience! 🙂 – https://lifetorebecca.wordpress.com

  66. Oh My Word! Basically the same thing happened to me at a Hens night. It was mortified. The worst and most horrible things anyone had ever said to me. It took me weeks to get over it that someone could be so vicious and nasty. It still shocks me that someone would even stoop so low. Turns out she blames a lot of people for things going wrong in her own life. But wow. this post totally struck home for me. Thanks for sharing. I dont think I have the guts yet to blog about it on my blog but Im so glad you did! I’ll be coming back to read this before I post! Thanks so much!

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