Christian and I have been together for almost nine years and today marks three years of marriage. I think newlywed life is different for everyone, and for us we’ve been grateful that because we knew each other so well before we got married, the first few years of our marriage have actually felt really natural (and fun!) without many surprises.
However, since we chose not to live together until we got married, cohabiting has been new for us – merging our pets, possessions and privacy. So, today I wanted us both to share three things we’ve learned over the past three years.
1. Sometimes, silence is best.
I can be a complainer. This I know is true. Christian rarely complains, he’s a steady, glass half full kind of guy (one of the many things I admire about him). The great thing about having a loyal partner is that they are there for you in the good and bad, they are listeners and can empathize with you like no one else (other than your Mom of course. #momsrule). Because you love your partner, you shouldn’t want to bring them down with your negativity when you can help it. I really try to bite my tongue and stay silent when I feel I could get on a whine-streak about something that doesn’t even involve C. Take a walk, go into another room – distract yourself and it will pass.
2. A little mystery isn’t a bad thing.
I’ve always been modest, and I prefer to maintain a little modesty and mystery in our relationship (we don’t have kids – so this is probably easier for us now). Christian doesn’t need to see me climb into a pair of Spanx and the bathroom door can stay closed. He’s just fine with me not sharing everything.
3. Never underestimate the importance of a quick vacation.
We made a long bucket list when we moved to California and have been crossing destinations off one by one. Travel might actually be the only splurge we both agree on! Something about a vacation – even if it’s just a mini weekend getaway – takes us back to that honeymoon phase. We always come back feeling more connected.
1. After you’ve been with someone for years they learn to read your mood.
They can see things in you change before you realize it. When she says, “You’re getting sleepy/grumpy… you should go to bed,” she’s right and it’s time for bed.
2. You think you know someone…
Alternatively, you can be with someone for nine years and they’ll still surprise you, pleasantly of course. Example: I felt some pressure uprooting both of our lives across the country for my career, taking Kathleen away from all of her family and friends after only six months of marriage. While living here, she has adjusted almost effortlessly and has even mentioned it would be fun to live internationally for a year, which completely took me by surprise.
3. You have to learn new ways to keep things romantic.
When we first started dating, I could bring Kathleen flowers and it would be a big deal for weeks. When we were engaged I could stop by the grocery and buy a few dollars worth of flowers without an occasion and it would make her week. Now she buys flowers for herself weekly when she grocery shops. Flowers from me are nice but have lost their romantic gesture. However if I surprise her by cooking dinner, she’s elated. Gestures of love have to change with your current season of life.