carrie bradshaw lied marriage lessons

photo by Taylor Cole Photo | dress c/o 

Christian and I have been together for almost nine years and today marks three years of marriage. I think newlywed life is different for everyone, and for us we’ve been grateful that because we knew each other so well before we got married, the first few years of our marriage have actually felt really natural (and fun!) without many surprises.

However, since we chose not to live together until we got married, cohabiting has been new for us – merging our pets, possessions and privacy.  So, today I wanted us both to share three things we’ve learned over the past three years.

Kathleen – 

 1. Sometimes, silence is best.

I can be a complainer.  This I know is true.  Christian rarely complains, he’s a steady, glass half full kind of guy (one of the many things I admire about him).  The great thing about having a loyal partner is that they are there for you in the good and bad, they are listeners and can empathize with you like no one else (other than your Mom of course. #momsrule). Because you love your partner, you shouldn’t want to bring them down with your negativity when you can help it.  I really try to bite my tongue and stay silent when I feel I could get on a whine-streak about something that doesn’t even involve C.  Take a walk, go into another room – distract yourself and it will pass.

2. A little mystery isn’t a bad thing.

I’ve always been modest, and I prefer to maintain a little modesty and mystery in our relationship (we don’t have kids – so this is probably easier for us now).  Christian doesn’t need to see me climb into a pair of Spanx and the bathroom door can stay closed.  He’s just fine with me not sharing everything.

3. Never underestimate the importance of a quick vacation.

We made a long bucket list when we moved to California and have been crossing destinations off one by one. Travel might actually be the only splurge we both agree on! Something about a vacation – even if it’s just a mini weekend getaway – takes us back to that honeymoon phase. We always come back feeling more connected.

Christian – 

1.  After you’ve been with someone for years they learn to read your mood.

They can see things in you change before you realize it. When she says, “You’re getting sleepy/grumpy… you should go to bed,” she’s right and it’s time for bed.

2. You think you know someone… 

Alternatively, you can be with someone for nine years and they’ll still surprise you, pleasantly of course. Example: I felt some pressure uprooting both of our lives across the country for my career, taking Kathleen away from all of her family and friends after only six months of marriage.  While living here, she has adjusted almost effortlessly and has even mentioned it would be fun to live internationally for a year, which completely took me by surprise.

3. You have to learn new ways to keep things romantic.

When we first started dating, I could bring Kathleen flowers and it would be a big deal for weeks. When we were engaged I could stop by the grocery and buy a few dollars worth of flowers without an occasion and it would make her week. Now she buys flowers for herself weekly when she grocery shops. Flowers from me are nice but have lost their romantic gesture. However if I surprise her by cooking dinner, she’s elated. Gestures of love have to change with your current season of life.

Do you have advice you’ve learned from your relationship and/or partner? I’d truly love to hear. Thanks so much for reading and for experiencing this journey with me!  You can find posts about our wedding here, first anniversary here and second anniversary here. And don’t forget there are still a few more days to enter to win one of two Rebecca Minkoff bags here AND the hair tools giveaway here! XO –
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19 thoughts on “3 Years: 3 Things We’ve Learned

  1. Happy anniversary! I think for me the lesson that resonates the most is that sometimes silence is the best. I’m a complainer, too, and I also always want things to be my way. Keeping my mouth shut has been a major lesson I’ve learned in two years of marriage! One thing that has taken me by surprise is that even though we don’t have kids yet, I have such a strong sense of our family unit. I always want to be with my husband and our dogs and will say no to most things so that I can spend maximum time with them.

    The picture of you two is gorgeous!

  2. Happy Anniversary ! I attended your beautiful wedding and have watched you from afar grow and mature into a handsome, devoted couple. Always focus on the positive and minimize each others weaknesses. Love the shout out to Karen !!! Here’s to fifty more years to learn, to grow, and rejoice together as one ! xoxo lea

  3. Thanks so much for sharing those (especially from Christian) – I’ve just been married a year & it’s always great to read words of advice. You always are real & have relate-able posts. Keep on inspiring!

    1. I feel the same way about marriage advice from others – we all can learn so much from each other if we’re willing to share, right? Thank you so much for the love, Mandy! XO –

  4. Great post…bc marriage is really so interesting if you let it be, in terms of growing as a person. I think it’s incredibly important to always remember that another’s perspective and perception on *anything* can be so unpredictably and vastly different from your own. So while it can be easy to think “my thoughts/feelings on xyz are right/accurate”…we have to always make the effort to remember our partner may view it in an entirely different way! Can be quite revealing at times, to say the least.

    1. Couldn’t agree with you more! The ability to really empathize with your partner and try to look at things from multiple angles is so important. Thank you for sharing, Ann!


    Every year that passes for another anniversary for all the weddings I’ve been in/invited to keeps reminding me that I may never experience any of this. #singlegirlproblems However, these are wonderful tips! I am so proud of you and Christian for tackling marriage across the country and how well you two have adapted. I look up to the both of you. Enjoy your day!

    1. Oh girl, please – you are so young! You’re going to find your other half, I know it. And you will be grateful for how mature you are when you do. XO –

  6. Happy anniversary!
    This is such a lovely post! I think it’s a great idea to be so open like this with your partner. My number one tip would definitely be to keep a little mystery. You can get super comfortable in a relationship sometimes – a little mystery goes a long way. And so does a bright red lipstick!

  7. Happy anniversary!!! I love this post! My husband and I got married about 1.5 years ago but just celebrated 8 years together. We didn’t live together until we were married either so I totally agree with your and Christian’s words of advice for newlyweds. Amen to mystery, silence and reading a mood! In our newlywed lives, I have found that communication and prioritization are both so key, including prioritizing something your spouse finds important that you might not. It might not be fun for us at the time, but it means a lot to the other person. Some compromise and some give and take 🙂 I hope your special day was wonderful! Congratulations!

  8. Such a cute post!!

    My husband and I have been married for 3 years and a marriage lesson I can say I’ve learned is to be patient and communicate often, and well. Learn how the other receives information and really feel each other out. Patience goes a long way.

    I loved your point that silence can be key, my complaining can often be the starting point of most small arguments we tend to have. So here’s to bettering our relationships by betting ourselves (focusing on more positive/productive things) !

    Xoxo from Dallas,

  9. My children are your age and while not a prude at all (but admit to some old fashioned notions anyhow) I’m mostly delighted to hear you did not co-habit prior to marriage. I often wonder what makes the momentous decision of marrying any different than the day before if people have lived together for some time. Something should change and living together sure fits that bill! My best to both of you; your openness and sharing bodes well for your long term commitment; marriage is not easy but it’s easier when you stay tuned into your partner!

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to share! We are a little old-school and also wanted our marriage to feel differently, so we waiting to live together. BUT I know there are different circumstances in every relationship. Thank you for your kind advice – so heartfelt! XO

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